On the fifth day of the apocalypse
My true love said to me:
Oh look...
Fiiiiiiiive Alieeeeeeens!
Four Dinosaurs
Three Hitlers
Two Poles that Shift
And it seems I've become a zombie.
What:
Five aliens visit Earth. They request a council of the entire population of the world. This council is broadcast across all nations, and everyone with a TV, radio, or internet.
The first alien steps forward. "Hello, Earthlings. I am Gaorhgaekjf from Planet Psjksrgjkaerjkl. We are claiming your planet for your turnips. They are a very valuable natural resource in FTL travel, so we intend to cultivate the entirety of your planet - anywhere that will grow a turnip. There are a few places that won't grow turnips, so you are welcome to continue living there. I believe you have named one of them 'Sahara.' What a lovely name. You must love that strip of land so much. I'm sure you will be happy there."
The second alien takes the stand. "Hello, Earthlings. I am Grishnog of Planet Og. The planet you just heard from has some of the greatest farmers in the Galactic Empire. My planet includes the greatest bunch of warriors. And we're going to help the guy you just heard from, because we really like FTL travel."
The third alien speaks next. "I am Fabio the Fearce, of the real Galactic Empire... not the little start up punks you just heard from. And I am here to insure that they get no turnips whatsoever. I would prefer to manage cultivation of turnips myself, but if that peaceful solution does not work out..."
He glances behind him, and the fourth alien - a massive creature with something glowing at his waist that looks like it might spontaneously combust - nods his head. A grimace slips across his face, and he growls to make his point.
The fifth alien steps forward, and falls on his face. Standing up, he says, "Huh. Huh huh huh. Hi. Huh huh. My name is Trevor. Huh huh. I like you. Huh huh."
And the people of Earth all look at each other, and wonder, "Is that what turnips are for?"
How to Survive:
Will Smith.
Ha ha! Will Smith! Nice.
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