It's been interesting to see my church at the center of a gender equality controversy. Especially one I've struggled with in the past. Since it's something I've put a lot of thought into over the last few years, I'd like to add my thoughts on it to the conversation. (If any of my non-member friends and family read this, I apologize. Without the context there will be some bits that make little or no sense.)
So, for those not in the know, the LDS church recently came under fire by the activist group, Ordain Women, who are claiming the LDS church is oppressive to women, and this can be (at least partially) rectified by allowing women to be ordained to the Priesthood, and hold the offices that come with that. The LDS church recently excommunicated the leader of that organization, Kate Kelly, for her aggressive preaching and media campaign, after requesting she cease and desist.
Here are my thoughts, organized by topic, which will hopefully make them more clear, concise, and easy to follow.
The Arguments of O.W.: Is the LDS Church oppressive to women?
Should Women have the Priesthood?
Okay, just personally speaking, I want the opportunity to be a bishop about as much as I want the opportunity to be drafted. But I know this is just my personal opinion, and there are women who would like to be bishop.
But then, the best bishops I've ever had were the ones who flat out cried from desperation when the call came to them, consumed with the stress of that calling, and their own sense of inadequacy.
Let me make one thing very clear. Priesthood offices and callings are not "opportunities." They are not a career path to a higher spiritual plane; they are a chance to serve the Lord. If you feel like your Spiritual growth is stunted because you are not allowed to be a bishop, you can ask the Lord for more opportunities for growth. Trust me, that is a righteous desire, and He will give them to you.
If what you're looking for is recognition and "position" in the Church, you're very most definitely missing the whole point.
My experiences with the "oppression."
During my time in college, I came face to face with the reality that women are frequently marginalized. Before I get into the particulars of that experience, I need to make one resounding clarification:
God. Does. Not. Marginalize. Women.
In an ultimate perfect world that is the model of heaven, this wouldn't even be an issue. But there is a reason Church policies and culture change: we are not perfect. We find - and are led to - better ways, a little at a time. Sometimes we take a step back, only to learn from that, and then we move forward to something better. What I experienced was not a reflection on the nature of God, or His desires for women.
That said, let's get into what I faced during the aforementioned time. In particular, I experienced:
-In General Conference, I looked up to see a sea of suits and ties, with a very occasional colored dot, marking where a woman sat. Clearly, women could not be our public face.
-In my ward (which I later found out was unique to my ward), there were always 3 speakers in sacrament meeting: 2 men, and a woman sandwiched between them. It felt like the woman was not allowed to offer beginning or ending thoughts, and women couldn't possibly outnumber the men when doctrine was being taught.
-Then we have Relief Society culture - oh, how many times have I ranted on that! Essentially, I have been assured time and time again in Relief Society that I don't need to be insecure, because, despite how I may feel about myself, I really do have intrinsic worth. As someone who has never doubted my intrinsic worth, this is quite off putting, and I believe it is due to our male-dominated clergy, and an attempt to compensate for that without actually addressing the issue.
-And finally, the biggest one for me, the video in the temple ceremony (and I know I'm getting into touchy ground by getting near this, but please bear with me) includes a female role that is very near to silent. She has one part where she gets to speak, and the rest of the spiritual instruction is carried out by the male characters.This is ultimately what kicked off the feeling of being marginalized as a woman. I related to that character - as I should in the case of being instructed by her - and to see her so silent sent me into a couple years of stewing over this issue.
The ordination thing never really bothered me, partially because I never really wanted the responsibilities and stress that come with it, and partially because of the revelation back in the 1970's that blacks could hold the Priesthood. I understand that the policies regarding who holds the Priesthood can change, and all that is required is a revelation from the Lord, followed by the announcement from the prophet. I firmly believe such a revelation, if it is to come, will not come until it is best suited for the benefit of the Church as a whole. (And yes, I have a long rant prepared - which I will not give here - on the nature of religion and how long it takes to change human beliefs that are not correct, when they are deeply seeded in religion.)
The Definition of Oppression:
Now, I just described 4 issues I've experienced with the LDS church, and one that I'm aware of but don't personally have a problem with. Are these oppression?
I'm not going to insult anyone's intelligence by quoting the
dictionary here. We all know what oppression is, and it doesn't matter
how the writers of the OED have chosen to phrase what we all know.
Let me instead offer a bit of perspective. While all of this has been swimming around the news and in LDS circles, another story has been making national headlines. It's the case of Meriam Ibrahim, a Christian woman in Sudan who was arrested for apostasy and adultery. If you're not familiar with the story you can read about it here and here. The condensed version is that she was born to a Christian mother and a Muslim father, and her father abandoned the family when she was little. She was then raised a Christian. However, according to Sudan law, children are their father's religion. So, when she married a Christian man, she was abandoning Islam (apostasy), in a marriage that was illegal and therefore made her guilty of adultery. She was sentenced to 100 lashes and death by hanging. (Good news, a court of appeals got her released. Bad news, she was rearrested trying to leave the country. Saga still playing out.)
That's right, a technically-legally-Muslim who was raised Christian was sentenced to die because she married a Christian and had children with him.
With that perspective in mind, let's take a look at my four personal grievances.
1.) Lack of female public representation. Now, bear in mind, this isn't a lack of female representation in decision making. In Ward Council Meeting and the like, you have the Bishop, etc., and you also have the Relief Society President, the Young Women's President, and the Primary President, all of whom are female. Everyone affected by the decisions has a voice in making them. These women don't sit on the stand and receive the public recognition, but they are by no means silent. And if you're concerned about public visibility, I reiterate what I said about being bishop - you're missing the point.
2.) My BYU ward's format for public speakers. Again, this was unique to the ward I was in, and is by no means representative of the entire church. Finding that out was a huge help in allowing me to look past it. While I didn't agree with the personal preferences of my bishop in picking speakers, I'll admit I was being quite hyper-sensitive about it, and it didn't change the fact that the same doctrine was taught, regardless of how many women got to be the ones teaching it.
3.) Relief Society culture of insecurity. Getting pissed off by the subtext of a Relief Society lesson, while a perfectly valid emotional response, is not going to shatter my testimony or make me go home and cry because I now believe I am worthless. It isn't a "deep wound piercing my delicate heart." It is just a major annoyance.
4.) Marginalization of the female character in the temple video. Again, I'll apologize to anyone who feels this shouldn't even be mentioned, since it's temple ceremony related. Since it doesn't even come near the things we covenant to keep sacred, I do believe it's fair to discuss, if done so respectfully and moderately. Personally, I believe the female character's script is a relic from the older scripts of this instruction video, written before feminism was even an issue. And, frankly, it does make sense in context of the story for the male character to do almost all of the speaking. In the most recent videos they made, they did try to give her more of a presence, even if they didn't change the spoken lines, and I greatly appreciated that. Either way, the doctrine taught in the film is not remotely affected or rendered untrue by the force of presence held by the female character. This makes it, once again, a matter of visibility.
So, when we look at all of these things for what they really are, our
lives are not being threatened. We are not imprisoned. We are not
subject to physical beatings. We are free to leave at any point. What we
have are petty annoyances and a lack of public recognition.
This. Is. Not. Oppression.
Kate Kelly's Excommunication: Unjust silencing or the right course of action?
This brings us away from my stance on the O.W. arguments, and onto the actual events of recent days.
What Happened:
This past Sunday, Kate Kelly was asked to attend a disciplinary hearing via video chat (her home ward is in Virginia, but she was in Salt Lake City). Rather than do so, she instead organized a candle light vigil outside the church office building, so her supporters could pray for her. She piled letters from her supporters and handkerchiefs outside, and awaited the response.
The response came in a letter telling her she was officially excommunicated, listing the reasons why, and steps she would need to take to come back into full fellowship, if that's what she chose to do.
How appropriate was this measure?
Well, I'm not her bishop, so that's not my call to make (thankfully... see? So glad I'll never have to make a decision like that). But, looking at the situation, here's what I think about it.
She started her movement by using protest to ask the leadership of the Church to prayerfully consider the option of giving women the priesthood.
A few months ago, shortly before the last General Conference, she received a formal answer from the Church. The answer was that, after prayerful consideration, the answer was no. Women would not receive priesthood ordination. Also, please stop protesting.
Her request for prayerful consideration was granted. But she continued fighting about it. She held more protests, preached regularly on her website, and continued to reject the answer she was given as "wrong."
Protest as a Chanel of Religious Reform
Protest is wonderful in matters of government. Government is something we don't get a choice in whether or not to be a part of. We're born in a specific geographic location, and with that comes citizenship (or membership, to use Church terminology), and certain responsibilities like paying taxes and obeying the law. We have every right in this universe to speak out as loudly as we need to be heard. Opting out of government (at least, in an ethical manner) requires leaving your home, giving up proximity to your loved ones, and relocating to deal with a whole new government, if they allow you to do so, and filling out a full headache's worth of paperwork, paying exorbitant amounts of money in fees. And in most cases you don't have the option to separate and form your own country that does things the way you like.
Church is not government. Participation is 100% voluntary, and guess what - you can also be kicked out. If you think the leadership of the church is wrong, you have the option to start a break off group that does things the way you feel they should be done.
As for asking questions, YES, ask them! We hear this nearly every Sunday in one of our 3 sessions of church. "You can't rely on other people's testimonies. You need to find out for yourself." From the simple statements and the anecdotes to the deep-seeded feeling we all have to know truth for ourselves and to not just accept what we're told, our church thrives on questions. And please, by all means, ask the hard ones! Ask why women are marginalized sometimes. Ask why it took until 1978 for blacks to receive the Priesthood.
But, and here's the key, ask God. And ask with humility. Ask with a willingness to accept the answer God gives you as His will, even if it's exactly the opposite of what you wanted, or even expected.
Conclusion:
Kate Kelly asked the Church leadership - which is perfectly fine. And she was given an answer. But she didn't get the answer she wanted, and her response was certainly not humble. She lit a fire, taking it to the media and crying oppression, smearing the Church's name and reputation.
The Church is not oppressing women, and Kate Kelly's actions against it were grossly exaggerating petty annoyances. The Church asked her to stop, and at her blatant refusal to do so, they removed her membership. This is well within their rights, and perfectly justified. I can't think of another organization that, upon being blatantly badmouthed by one of their members to the media, would not remove that member's standing in their organization.
Removing her was also done in the interest of the Church membership as a whole, due to her avid preaching of false doctrine. There is a really good blog with an opinion on that here. I couldn't state it better, so if you're interested, I recommend going and reading that blog post.
As a woman in the LDS church, I have felt the marginalization that sparked the O.W. movement. I understand it, and I wish it wasn't there. But, when I realized how very little it affects my every day life, those annoyances became so tiny.
I have access to the Priesthood. I have an honorable, good husband, and before that my brother, and before that - when I didn't live 900 miles away from my parents - my father. If I didn't have them, I would have had home teachers, a bishop, and a myriad of other options, should I need inspired counsel or a blessing. I don't need the official ordination to use it.
There is SO much more to being LDS than how I feel affected as a woman, and my identity as a woman does not rely on the culture of the Church. All those things that the Church is really about, from the sense of community and service to the stack of scriptures to the teachings on being kind and loving that we receive every week, builds the "pile of good things" in my life. The LDS church gives us chances to grow, a sense of optimism, and a real purpose to life. And yes, it gives us hard questions, and tells us to ask them.
A while ago, I asked the really hard question - is this Church (or any church for that matter) really approved by God? And I got an answer - a resounding yes. And that yes was specific to this church, not just churches in general. I don't believe God marginalizes women. Only the mortals we work with do that. But God does approve of the LDS church, and I can't let the petty things pull me away from all the good things it does in my life.
