Dear Person,

Sometimes I really want to throw my shoe at your face.
Love,
Me.

Judgment Day is tomorrow! I'm totally cheating, Babel style.

That's right, tomorrow, May 21, 2011 is the rapture.  It's true!  I read it on the Internet.

This guy, Harold Camping, is prophesying that because Noah was 7,000 years ago, and because the age of churches came to a crashing end in the 80's, tomorrow is Judgment Day.  Oh, and something about multiplying numbers and 17 representing heaven.

So, with unfallible proof such as that, here are some of the cheery predictions for tomorrow:
" On Judgment Day, May 21^st, 2011... Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth."

Yep!  That's right.  Read that last sentence there?  Zombies.  Tomorrow begins the zombie apocalypse.

But, I'm not concerned.  No, when this happens at noon, I'm going to be up in the air!  I'll be on an airplane heading home.  So, you understand, when the rapture occurs, I'll already be half way there!

Just picture it.  The pilot comes on right at noon: "Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems we're gaining a little bit of extra altitude here.  Please fasten your seat belts.  The flight attendants will be by with trash bags to collect any beverages containing alcohol or caffeine.  In case of a fire evacuation, you will find a Bible beneath your seat.  Please remove the Bible and rip out the book 'Song of Solomon,' then begin reciting psalms."

And for the rest of you who will endure 5 months of earthquake and zombie torment before you're all burned on October 21st, here is one bit of advice, told time and time again, but always worth repeating: Axes don't need reloading.

P.S. - I'm actually feeling mildly guilty for making fun of people's heart felt beliefs here, especially since they're remarkably similar to my own, with some crucial elements being dramatically off.  So... sorry.  You have full license to make fun of me if you want.

Alright, alright! It's an update! You happy?

And now I have Michelle Branch's song, "Are You Happy Now?" stuck in my head.  Why do I do this to myself?

At least, I will admit, it's some variety.  I've had "Coming Home" by P Ditty and Dirty Money running through my head all day... annnnnnnddddd... there it is again.  Nope.  No more variety.

Anyway, today I got chastised for not updating my blog.  Apparently I'm harder to stalk this way.  So, I'm now updating for her sake.  But, I already told her everything she's missed, so I really have nothing to say.

Which means I'm going to make stuff up.

I got a hair cut!!!  I don't have any pictures yet, but here's the style I went for:

See?  I even added more blonde!  I've never loved my hair so much!

I also went on vacation.  To the grand canyon.  Then I decided that since I was seeing one of the wonders of the world, I might as well go see the other six.  Unfortunately, I didn't know what the other six were, so I kinda made some up.  I knew the Grand Canyon was one of the "Natural" wonders of the world, and they have some man made ones too, but, being the purist that I am, I must only see natural wonders.  So, I visited Mt. Everest, the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, the Galapagos Islands, The Panama Canal, the Acropolis, and Poland.

I also got married last night.  I married a very hairy man that I was pretty sure was Santa Clause (I married him for the toys... and the elf-slaves), but shortly after the ceremony I realized it was a yeti.  Oops.

And I learned how to polka.

Actually, I already knew how to polka.

The end.