Oh no robots.

 The more I play around with ChatGPT and image AI stuff, the more I'm convinced that robots are very most definitely not going to take our jobs.

It can't even tell a good joke. 

Me: "Tell me a hilarious joke."

AI: "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"

Me: "Tell me a joke that uses the elements of surprise and naughtiness."

AI: "I'm sorry. I cannot generate inappropriate or offensive content."

Me: "Tell me a joke a first grader would think is hilarious."

AI: "Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems."

Me: "You're not very good at jokes."

AI: "I apologize if my previous attempts... blah blah blah... as an AI language model... blah blah blah... three thousand years of boring explanation... blah blah blah... I'm happy to try my best to make you laugh!"

Me: "Tell me a joke with a surprising punchline."

AI: "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!"

Me: "That's not surprising. Siri has been telling that joke for years. Try again."

AI: "Sure thing! Here's another one: Why did the scarecrow with an award? He was outstanding in his field!"

Me: "Tell me a joke that doesn't use a pun."

AI: "Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!"

Me: "That's a pun. Try again."

AI: "I apologize for the previous response. Here's a joke that doesn't use a pun: Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!"

Yeah. Absolutely abysmal sense of humor.

Then there's image generation.

I keep trying to get StarryAI, my image AI app, to design a tattoo. Once I'm 100% convinced I'm done having kids, I'm planning to get a tattoo representing my kids, and I have a rough idea of what I want. I'm going to include an image to represent each child, with some Celtic embellishments. Two of those images are easy to come up with, because one of my girls is named after a flower and the other is named after fire. They're still too young to really have fully developed personalities, but their names are close enough, and very unlikely to change. 

My boy? Meh... his name was chosen because it has a cool sound and it's "uncommon, but not weird." It's a variation of Andrew, which means "manly," which is really tough to put in an image in a way that doesn't look stupid. 

So rather than use his name as the source of inspiration, I'd rather use... I don't know. 

I'll ask my robot and see what it comes up with.

Okay... that wasn't bad.

It recommended a lion, because "lions are often associated with strength and courage," an oak tree, because "in Celtic mythology, oak trees symbolize strength and endurance," (I'm going to fact check that), and a compass, because "a compass represents direction, purpose, and the ability to navigate and find one's way." 

My kid is still too young for me to be like, "Oh yeah, that's totally him," but those were all pretty good suggestions.

For the time being, I've been using a wolf as a stand-in, because they're cool.

So, I went to an AI image generator, put in the prompt, and it spit out an image of a wolf, with no flower or fire. A few tweaks later I got it to include the flower, and it had some flames around the outside, but really. I want a flaming fireball. Not just decorative flames that aren't a main element of the image.

So, I asked ChatGPT for a prompt that an image AI would understand. I gave it a highly detailed description of what I wanted. It gave me a prompt, which I then put into StarryAI.

And it spit out...

Um... 

StarryAI... are you okay?

This is what happens when the robots join forces. 

Apparently.

More tweaks. More attempts. More recommendations from ChatGPT. More combination of letting the robot do it and using my human brain to tweak what the robot suggested.

And we got this:

This is as close as I've been able to get it. The wolf overwhelms everything, but it does include roses... and a kind of rose-shaped fire at the bottom. And hey, in the background there is an actual rose on fire. That's not helpful, but it looks cool.

And let's not even get into, "Here is a long list of stuff my dad likes. Generate 25 gift ideas for his birthday." Whoops. "Using the above interests, generate 25 gift ideas within this specified budget."

For the record, my dad does not need a set of Nordic walking poles for outdoor adventures. I'll have to ask if he wants them, though. Maybe the robot is on to something.

Anyway, when all is said and done, yeah. Robots are definitely the future. 

They're just... 

They need a little help from that human touch, you know?

I Pretty Much Only Bog When I'm Trying to Fix Myself Anymore

 Title says it all, I guess.

I skimmed through the last entry I put on this blog, and I was still trying to have another baby. The whole "trying again" thing was mostly the denial phase of the miscarriage. 

For the record, it worked. Kind of. I got pregnant. I miscarried again. I took some time to properly grieve. I haven't been able to get pregnant since. I'm now looking at the future of being a 3-kid family. I'm not 100% committed to that, but so far it's looking like that's what it's going to be. Maybe in the future I'll adopt from the system, which is free, but VERY emotionally fraught. 

That update is just a follow up to my last post. It's not why I'm here today.

I just wanted to check in. I wanted to be someone who puts my thoughts out on the Internet, for whatever reason. I don't have an audience, but there's always the chance of a serendipitous connection, where some random person finds it, reads it, and says something that helps. It also gives me the opportunity to say a thing that I can then send to someone if I can't find the words later.

It's been a lot of years now that I've struggled with depression. Healing always feels just out of reach. Things will start to get better, and then I'll crash down again. Last time I felt deep happiness was 5 years ago, during the first 6 weeks of Ember's life. That time was euphoria. Since then there have been little moments of mild happiness, but it's all muted. It's like there's a plastic film in between me and the happiness, and I can touch it, but I can't actually connect to it. 

The fact that I can feel some is improvement, though. That's a big jump from where I was a few years ago. And I can feel other things deeply. I can be sad. Sadness is nice, sometimes. As long as it's not achy grief, there's relief in it. 

In short, it's getting better, but it's not good yet. And it's been a long time. 

I'm tired.

I've also been having a lot of existential thoughts lately. I'm in the middle of a faith transition, and I kind of wish I'd been writing things down as I learn them and realize them. 

Here are a few bullet points:

* Switching religions, or quitting religion all together, isn't "losing your faith." If you are honestly looking for truth, you're not being lazy or rebellious. If your religion tells you otherwise, it's trying to retain it's numbers, not acting in your best interest.

* You are the one who defines the standards you live by. Not your church. Not any book. If you're an adult, not your parents. You get to be the one who reasons through and prays about moral questions, and comes to the conclusion that makes the most sense to you. Scriptures, church, parents... all of that can be used to inform your choices, but you can reject any - and I do mean any - piece of that that feels wrong to you.

* Life is about learning. Not achieving. Achievement can be a good teacher, but it's not the point. 

I feel like I have a lot left to go. Life is hard right now, not just from all the feelings, but from circumstances as well. And here I am, blogging like it's going to fix something.

Hey, maybe it'll help. Writing always made me feel good.