Lucasfilm just got acquired by Disney.
How did this happen?
Well, I'll tell you.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, Emperor Palpatine sat upon his throne. He was deep in meditative pondering of the Force, and he searched a long time into the future... far, far away. He saw a world in which his story was told... but he was the villain!!!
And he was really ugly.
In fact, he was so ugly he had one of those moldy, algae sucking fish named after him.
I would know. I named my moldy, algae sucking fish "Palpatine."
Now, being the evil emperor, he could not have this. No... no he could not. Not at all. For many years, he searched this world. Uncovered everything about it. He found the man who created the franchise, and tried to use mind-control to get him to rewrite the story, and design the great Emperor Palpatine with blonde, wavy hair and a fantastic tan. Unfortunately, this man was resistant to mind tricks, and the emperor's efforts resulted in Luke getting blonde, wavy hair and Samuel L. Jackson getting cast as Mace Windu, who was actually a red-haired alien with webbed toes.
When he realized his efforts were futile, he began searching more of this world. There was nothing he could do to change his appearance in the franchise, and so he must entirely discredit it. He caused a dark fog to settle over the cast of the prequels, making every line they said come out melodramatic and cheesy. The audience, through a nauseated groan of horror, found out that Anakin didn't like sand, and Padme had soft arm hair. It wasn't enough to beat out the special effects, but it was a start.
Next, he found a company... a fairly reputable company, headed by a giant mouse that runs around in red underwear. As George Lucas grew old, the evil emperor sowed seeds in this megalopolis of a brand. George Lucas needs a successor, he whispered to them. Yes, they said, tapping their fingertips together. Yes, we can be that successor. And so negotiations began. George Lucas, being one candle shy of a fogey, got really excited by the idea that the same people who produced the sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean might be heading up his next trilogy.
And so, he signed the papers.
And the emperor sat back in his throne.
And he laughed.
And then Darth Vader figured out time travel, came to Earth, and force choked Mickey Mouse before the annoying rodent could don a lightsaber.
