My brother has decided he has ADHD.
I'm not sure where this came from. I mean, it's not like he spent his childhood tying blankets around his neck and zooming through the house singing his own theme music or anything.
Oh wait...
Anyway, a year or two ago, one of his best buddies at work got diagnosed with ADHD and got on some medication for it. Clarke bowed to the peer pressure, and he wanted to be ADHD too! I remember him driving me down the street (pretty sure he was picking me up so I could babysit his kid... so he could go with his wife on a - squirrel!) and he told me about taking an "ADHD survey." He answered them all correctly! Wow! He passed the survey! Now he's got a big blue ribbon declaring himself to have a personality disorder that usually gives small children an excuse to make shameless fun of their teachers and disrupt class and get away with it.
And then we wonder why this disorder has appeal?
Anyway, this Christmas, Clarke and my mom were discussing how impossible it was to sit still during church, and now my mom has ADHD too!
I was feeling a little left out. I mean, nobody ever diagnosed ME with ADHD. Why do Clarke and my mom get to have it and I don't?
So, tonight we were doing a big puzzle. It's kind of a Christmas/New Year's tradition in our family to get a puzzle with about 137,000 pieces, and have all of us crowd around a table that only fits half of the people whose hands are going into the puzzle pieces. We then argue over who gets to do the edge pieces, and eventually settle into all of us doing edges, and then each taking a specific part of the puzzle. We do not, under any circumstances, encroach onto each other's territory, or we might face such horrible comments as, "Hey... where did my duck's butt go?"
Clarke decided he didn't want to take part in the puzzle. He's too ADHD for that. Instead he read us Canada's summary of US Politics 2011.
I was focusing on the flowers, and after attaching my glob of pieces to the edges, I decided I needed a break. I got up, announced, "Alright, I'm taking a break." And then, just because part of me kinda wanted to be ADHD too, I added, "My attention span just went, 'zzzzzzzp!'"
Clarke perked up and said, "That's why I don't like puzzles! Because as soon as I sit down my attention span goes, 'zzzzzzzp!'"
Grmf mrmp bgrmp. <- (grumble noise). I suddenly wanted to stop and say, "Yeah, well, I trained myself to be able to sit through puzzles, because my natural attention span is really small."
Honestly, I've been doing puzzles since I was a kid, and I've always loved it. And who says not liking jigsaw puzzles is a sign of ADHD anyway?
So, I very maturely ignored his obvious attempt to assert himself as being more ADHD than me, and went into the kitchen for a snack. I cut the banana bread, started looking for the butter, and went, "Ooh! I could blog!"
So I sat down and started writing this, leaving my banana bread somewhere in the kitchen... I don't really know where.
But, of course, Clarke had to come in and read me a picture book about a malfunctioning robot who says, "Beep bop!" And he read the story at about 1,000 mph while wearing giant, plastic safety goggles.
Alright. I give up. Clarke, you can be the ADHD one. I know you probably didn't realize it was a competition, but I'll just sit here and eat my banana bread (thanks for buttering it for me!) while you read Dr. Seuss to the rest of the family.
Hey look, I finished the post. In one sitting. I guess... **sigh** ... that I'm not ADHD after all.
