Why bawling your eyeballs out over a stupid movie is emotionally healthy

Last night I had my heart ripped from my chest.

And it was devastating.

And I cried.

And the world imploded around me.

How could this happen?  Why?  What purpose is there in these things that hurt so...

Okay, okay, so I was watching a movie and it was really sad.

I mean, really sad.  I don't think TV has wreaked that much havoc on my emotions since I saw Castaway.  Only... there was this other one... what was it?  Hmmmm... I don't remember.  I just remember somebody died and I was depressed.

Oh!  Bridge to Terabithia.  That's right.  That's what it was.  Yes, I was depressed.

For three days.

So, last night I was watching a movie and somebody died that I REALLY REALLY didn't want to die.  I managed not to cry while I was actually watching it (just yelled, "Aw, that sucks!" at the TV), and then it looked like they hadn't actually died, and then I found out that they were as good as dead for all the good they could do for the main character and the main plot that I cared about.  So, I held it in and didn't cry during the movie... the sting of betrayal from the screen writers was a little much for tears.  Thoughts like, "Seriously, what is their PROBLEM???" and "Sure, torture the main character.  That scale of torture only works in literary fic, and this is sci-fi, geniuses," should have been floating around in my head, but really, the only thought that would finish processing was, "That sucks.  Oh wait, no it doesn't suck!  Oh wait, yes it does.  Wow.  That sucks."

And then I got past "the screen writers are idiots," it started to settle, and the emotion kicked in.

As I was driving home, still in depressing-movie-aftermath mode, I thought back to my experience watching Castaway, The Ring, and other movies that have had a MASSIVE impact on my emotions.  Castaway depressed me for a week, and The Ring kept me awake ALL night, and gave me nightmares for a year.  After the movie last night, I could feel the ghost of real loss.  There was a hint of ache, and a reminder of what real loss feels like that made it ache just a little more.

And then, inevitably, the editor kicked in.

"I can't deny, they were effective.  They did an excellent job of building up empathy for the character, and winding the character up in the viewer's heart... oh, my poor heart!  That poor character... who is a very well drawn out character with compelling conflict.  They did well on that front, no question."

Seriously.  Emotional movie-trauma + editor analysis makes for a weird night.  Driving home, getting ready for bed, laying in bed... whatever I did I waffled back and forth from, "That sucks so much!" to, "Well... what they were trying to do was done well, but at the same time, you have to be very careful how thoroughly you betray your audience.  If watching your movie becomes more miserable than living without the character they've grown attached to, you'll lose your audience."

And then, right before sleep, came the synthesis of the two.

"What is the purpose of fiction?  It's to allow us to experience things we can't otherwise experience.  Science fiction is all about a sense of wonder, which becomes all the more potent with a compelling character.  This character you empathize with so thoroughly discovers new things and sees a vast world beyond your own, which you experience with him.  He does things far more epic than you will ever be able to do, and when you empathize with him enough, you feel it too.  Now, this particular movie was pulling on far more than a sense of wonder.  It was making you experience a piece of reality in the emotions of loss and loneliness.  This type of fiction has a genuine value, in that you experience something painful, but it's not the real pain.  It's just a shadow of it, but there's enough of it there that your mind and heart have to cope.  When the real pain - the real loss - comes, and it will, you'll have a shadow of some of the tools you need."

Essentially, emotionally potent movies are a training ground for reality.

That said, there is no way in heck I'm gonna be watching The Ring again.  Thanks, but my life can go on well enough without deliberately putting sheer terror in it.

I also have no intention of watching Castaway or Bridge to Terabithia again.  Once was enough, and just because it's a good experience (I don't regret watching either of those), doesn't mean I'm going looking for depressing movies to make my heart ache.

But it's still worth watching when you come across it.  It's worth discovering what your heart does when it hurts, and what your mind tries to do to relieve it.

And when all is said and done, I can still hold out for a happy ending.

I believe in happy endings, especially in real life.

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