I don't wanna, and other whiney-butt musings on the value of this mortal life. Also known as, I should be doing my homework right now.

No, seriously.  I don't wanna.

Which brings up the deep, philosophical question: WHY???  Why don't I wanna?

Why?  Well, because I DON'T CARE!!!

I mean, I already wrote this paper.  Granted, it was just a rough draft, but the fun part is done.  Know what I have to do now?  Well... first item of business is to entirely remove my "voice" from the paper.  Apparently my teacher thinks it's too colloquial.  And, being that it's a work of academic interest, I am not allowed to show any remote shred of personality.  My teacher was very nice about it, though, and went through my paper, deleting my personality for me.  Now my paper is happily in his monotonous voice.  I just have to transfer his corrections to my document.

After that, I have to rewrite my introduction.  As my teacher put it, "It's a fine introduction as it is, but everybody should rewrite theirs after they've finished their paper.  Introductions always need improvement, so I want you to change it."

Thank you?

I also need to make my bibliography in line with Kate Turabian's massive style guide, because the Chicago Manual of Style apparently wasn't good enough for historians.

And then, the part I really don't want to do - add in a blip of something that I don't really care about to prove that I did research and "improved my paper" after turning in the rough draft.

And, the absolute worst part of all... I have to **gasp!** quit whining about working on my paper and work on my paper!!!

Aftermath

Sometimes, I feel all emo and melodramatic, because I know the truth is that it feels good to cry.  If it's not letting it go, at least it's processing.

I wonder when I'll be able to let go.  Maybe when it's gone?  It's very persistent in its way of clinging to my life.  I should have let it go a very, very long time ago, but I haven't.  I don't want to, and I won't.  I like it. 

At least, I like not being without it.

And more than that, I can't stop wishing it will come back.  And not just return, but change from what it was into everything that I actually need it to be.

And sometimes, I just really, really, really need to be held.

There.  Do I win emo points?