Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Baby Haikus

Caring for newborn twins is fun. Never before have I requested divine intervention for defecation and flatulence.

Last night, around 5:00 AM, whilst lost to the throes of exhaustion, my brain suddenly turned on creative mode, & I found myself composing haikus, of all things. 

Now, infant haikus to my children are my new thing. Here is a sampling of my work. (The 2nd one to my son, Anders, is the result of my 5:00 AM creative session.)

For Anders: 
A storm is coming. 
You haven't pooped in five days. 
I will make you poop!

For Annalaé Rose:
It's just a diaper. 
You are not being murdered. 
Did you just turn blue?

For Anders:
Sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. 
Don't drop your pacifier. 
Omg please sleep. 

For Annalaé Rose, 3 haikus in succession:
That wasn't a burp. 
Your grunts don't fool me. 
Burp, or no more food. 

Oh, now you're fussing. 
Meh, that could have been a burp. 
K, but you owe me. 

Now you are sleeping. 
I never got a good burp. 
Please don't puke on me. 

Edit: I've been doing a lot of these and posting them on Facebook. I'd like them all in the same spot, so I'm adding them here until I can make a file.

For Annalaé Rose:

There's this thing I do.
I sleep during burping time.
Mommy just loves it!

A conversation with my daughter (in haikus, of course):

O hysteria!
"Life after birth is so hard!
How will I survive?"

"Why the tears, my love?"
"I farted myself awake!"
Oh. Of course you did.

Now a haiku about myself:

I need healthy food. 
Oh look. Babies are awake. 
Pop Tarts it is, then.

Anders's haikus to his pacifier:

O pacifier!
You were made to be spit out.
Now I cry for you. 

Daddy puts you back,
So I spit you out again.
Now I cry for you.

Daddy puts you back,
Roughly seven hundred times,
Since I cry for you.

O pacifier!
None of us will ever sleep,
When I cry for you.

Meanwhile, with Annalaé Rose...

Oh, I'm so hungry!
Latch onto Daddy's bicep. 
That's not a nipple. 

Oh, I'm so hungry!
Latch onto Mommy's armpit.
SO not a nipple. 

Oh, I'm so hungry!
Yummy! Mommy's collar bone!
Nope, not a nipple. 

Oh, I'm so hungry!
Daddy's nose looks so tasty!
Was that a nipple?

Finaly, I burp. 
Hey look, the bottle is back!
At last, a nipple.