Monday, November 21, 2011

Dear Madam, I have a word or two for you.

I'm sorry to undermine the false sense of power with which you are attempting to lord over me, threatening to stop buying from us and report me to the owner of the company, but I'm afraid the customer is not always right.  When is there such a case is this?

Well, right now.

We're not going to refund your shipping because our policy - of which you have been well informed, several times - clearly states that when a product is returned, we will refund the item price, minus the shipping.  We already did you a favor by covering the return shipping and having UPS go pick up the product from you.

As for your severe papaya allergy, let me be perfectly clear: OUR PRODUCT DOES NOT HAVE PAPAYA IN IT!  We could not have lied to you about the contents of the beverage, because there is NO PAPAYA in that product, or ANY of our products, ever since the papaya soap was discontinued A YEAR AGO.  And yes, the ingredients are listed right there on the side of the box.  Go get yourself some glasses if you can't see them.

Look, between the returns, the disputed payments on the products you still have, and the measly ten dollars an hour I'm being paid to attempt to reason with you, you're actually costing us more money than you're bringing in.

Do you know what that means?

Bite me.



**siiiiigh**  I wish I had the moxy to actually say that on the phone.