I'm seriously about to
cry. I just suffered the worst injustice in
the history of injustices, and I don't know if
I can take it.
So, right as I was about to leave for my lunch
break, I got an emergency call telling me that
there was going to be a meeting at 12:30, and
asked if I could somehow procure lunch for 8
people in just a few short minutes.
I turned to Kneaders, the local soup and sandwich shop (which has the most utterly, insanely good desserts), and they came through. I
ordered a sandwich platter and a dessert tray
over the phone, rushed over to pick it up, and
got it to the meeting room JUST in time. The
dessert tray made my mouth water, but I
resisted - it wasn't for me.
I ended up leaving for lunch late, but I got
the job done. As I was ending my lunch break,
I got an email telling me there were leftovers
and people wanted to use the meeting room, and
what should I do with them?
I called Julie, the girl who emailed me,
before someone could come up with a heinous
solution like declaring the leftovers a
free-for-all. "Put them on my desk," I
instructed her. "I'm on my way back, so just
move them to my desk, and I'll deal with it
when I get there."
I was really looking forward to an extra
dessert or two, and maybe a sandwich. And once
I'd gone through the leftovers, I could
declare it a free-for-all. But since I'd been
the miracle worker who made that
last-second-lunch appear right in the nick of
time, I definitely deserved first dibs
on the leftovers.
I rushed back to work, walked to my desk, and
there was nothing but an empty tray with a few
crumbs on it.
Some brilliant egg head made the announcement
that there was "free food at Savannah's desk."
I hate them.
I hate them all.
The meeting room still had the dessert tray in
it, though, and I managed to get a mediocre
pumpkin tart that wasn't anywhere near the
caliber of Kneaders' usual desserts. It was
kind of stale and flavorless. But, well, at
least I got something, I guess.
I don't know... I shouldn't feel this upset
about it, but I'm roiling with emotion.
Injustice, anger, downright fury over the fact
that all they left on my desk was trash that
now I have to clean up. And I don't
even get a sandwich. And I don't even get a
good dessert - just the stale pumpkin tart.
It's so petty, and I'm so upset.
I've been pretty even keeled during this
pregnancy, with only an occasional
emotional/irrational moment. And this has to
be one of them. Burning disappointment growing
to downright hatred and anger.
Pregnant lady
didn't get her Kneaders.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Shouting
I know I've said this before, but there aren't a lot of political or social issues I'm particularly willing to talk about online. Sure, I have opinions and all, and I'll talk about them with people, but online is a whole nother beast. [tangent] Yes, I am in favor of breaking up the spelling of "a whole nother" instead of "another whole" to match spoken English. Though, I'll admit it does look weird. [/tangent]
First, talking about said issues online is stripped of all non-verbal forms of communication. No facial expressions (emoticons rarely do the trick), no vocal intonations, no body language. You're left with the words, and the words alone. It's too easy for someone with an opposing opinion to read it, read their own interpretation of your emotion into it (and exaggerate your bias), and start a fight. And frankly, I'm vehemently opposed to fights on my Facebook wall. If you try to pick a fight, I will delete your comment. My wall is a contention-free zone.
Second, it's... well... annoying, usually. The first time you hear about an issue, it's interesting. You form an opinion. You express your opinion. You see a couple other people with similar opinions. That's all fine. Then your Facebook wall gets flooded with EVERYBODY'S opinions, usually expressed in meaningless memes and pictures that are specifically designed to be emotionally charged and/or inflammatory, and don't tell you a thing about what your friend is actually thinking. Sometimes your friend will post an introductory sentence or two, or a quote from an article they're linking to that provides some contextual thoughts, but for the most part, what they post is just somebody else's creation advocating the general position they support.
I can't tell you how many people I've blocked because they keep posting photos and memes advocating this issue or that, even when I fully agree with their position. It's annoying.
So, yes. My general policy on political and social issues is that my husband gets to hear all my rants about them, and the Internet does not.
There are a very few exceptions. For example, when the Snowden revelations about government surveillance came out, I felt strongly enough about it to post a link to the petition relating to it, and it got an honorable mention in a blog post. Also, when the Mormon church was having their Kate Kelly/Ordain Women issue, I felt the urge to join in the online conversation, since, as a Mormon woman, it's a very applicable issue to me, and I had something big to say about it.
The major issue, however, is abortion. I care about this one, and I care passionately. That said, I still keep online interaction with the issue to a minimum. I've never shared a meme or photo, though I'll admit to clicking "Like" on an occasional photo or meme my sister-in-law shares, knowing full well they'll show up in my feed under the banner "Savannah liked this."
I've also never blogged or posted my own thoughts on the issue, mostly because it wasn't something being talked about enough.
And now? Well, with the advent of the Planned Parenthood "selling baby parts" scandal, it's being talked about.
And I'm glad. So glad. I was getting extremely tired of the gender inequality conversations. I'm tired of people crying oppression because someone said something judgmental about their homosexual lifestyle, or because a chauvinist is harassing them on Twitter. That is not oppression. You want oppression? Let's talk about what ISIS is doing over in the Middle East, kidnapping and raping women as their sex slaves, or the fact that you can get executed for changing religions in Iran. Or how about human trafficking in general. That is oppression. Last I checked, people were still allowed to have (and fully express) their own opinions, even if those opinions are judgmental or otherwise wrong. Maturity is to be confident in yourself despite their opinions, not to try to force them to change their views.
But, I digress.
Now that abortion is being talked about, I feel like it's appropriate for me to say something as a part of that conversation.
My stance on the issue was decided years and years ago. I must have been 10 or 11, and the first thing I heard was the "Pro-Choice" argument. "It's my body, my choice." And that made a lot of sense to me. I knew pregnancy was hard - I'd watched my mother go through months of bed rest with 3 pregnancies, only to have 1 of them end in miscarriage - and it made sense that a woman should have the choice whether or not they were going to go through that.
I remember asking my mom, "Why do people think abortion is wrong? I mean, it's her body."
Her answer, in it's utter simplicity, struck me hard.
"Because it's still killing someone."
Oh.
Oh, right. Duh.
I felt a little moronic for having missed that core, basic point, but it made far more sense than the "my body, my choice" argument, because if you have an unwanted pregnancy, there's no such thing as fair. No, having to unwillingly endure the pain and sickness of pregnancy, not to mention the birth itself, isn't fair to the mother, but murdering the baby is significantly less fair to the other party involved. Pregnancy is a condition involving two humans, and the right to live forever overrules the right to live comfortably for 9 months.
There are other arguments too. My personal favorite? Pregnancy isn't the choice; it's the consequence. This is one of the reasons rape is such an utterly heinous, horrible offense. It's traumatic and violent, but more than that, it robs a woman of her choice to risk pregnancy.
And really, pregnancy is not where the choice was made. The simple, biological truth is that sex makes babies. We all know this. And while we have, in this day and age, more knowledge and access to contraceptives than ever before in the history of the world, nothing is 100% fool proof. Condoms break. Pills don't fully block all hormones. I've known a woman who got pregnant after her tubes were tied, and heard of a man who got a vasectomy, but they snipped the same spot twice, leaving half of his sperm producers still functional. Things. Don't. Always. Work.
And if you're going to mess with something that causes pregnancy in very nearly all vertebrates everywhere, you have to accept that it's a very real possibility.
And no, from a gender perspective, that's not fair. Why do women have to take such risks while men don't? But fair is irrelevant. That's just biology, and science is cold facts. If you are a woman having sex, you are risking becoming pregnant, straight and simple. You can try to make it more fair by making the father responsible for the non-physical aspects of pregnancy - hospital bills, housework while mom is sick, procuring maternity clothes, massaging sore backs and hips, etc. That's one of the benefits of being a thinking, reasoning human instead of a set of cats, where the Tom's only role is to wander around until he finds a female in heat, fight off the other Toms, do his business, and then move on. We can use societal rules, or even just simple communication between a pair of people to even out the burden of pregnancy.
And I say this as a pregnant woman. I'm 31 weeks pregnant with twins, and I hurt. My back has ached for the last 4 1/2 months, I'm no stranger to overwhelming nausea even while medicated for it, I've had anemia and broken teeth as the twins suck the iron and calcium out of my body to build their own, and my new bust size is throwing out my back. I haven't even gotten to labor yet, and I can say with no question in my mind, that pregnancy is hard. And there are times I've looked at my husband, with all his energy and strength, and how if there's something he wants and it's on the floor, he can just bend at his waist and pick it up, how he doesn't hurt constantly, and I've wanted to scream, "IT'S SO NOT FAIR!!!" at the universe because women are the only ones that can carry babies.
In short, pregnancy hurts. Oh my gosh, does it ever hurt. But that's no excuse to kill someone, even if that person is the biological cause of the pain. Especially when that person is causing the pain innocently. They're not trying to hurt you. Again, you can blame biology if you really need something to blame.
So, with that said and my position stated and expounded on, let's talk about the recent conversation.
It started with Planned Parenthood, and the videos exposing the sale of fetal tissue for research. That exploded into a major battle between the Pro-Choice and the Pro-Life advocates.
And honestly, I sincerely doubt the fight really has anything to with the sale of fetal tissue. Even though "they're selling baby parts!" has become a Pro-Life battle cry, that's not remotely what this fight is about.
(And, honestly, my view on that piece of the fight is that stem cell research is extremely valuable, and if the tissue is there, it might as well be put to good use. But the tissue shouldn't be there in the first place. Stem cell research should be conducted on naturally miscarried fetuses only, donated by the parents. Yes, that severely limits the research, but the research is less important than a human's life. We don't sneak through dark alleys and murder people so we can harvest their brains. We shouldn't be using valuable research as an excuse for murdering babies either.)
So, we're fighting. Pro-Life advocates are calling for the defunding of Planned Parenthood. They, quite understandably, don't want their tax dollars supporting what they feel is a baby butchery. And I completely agree with that. With such an emotionally charged and divisive issue, why are we being forced to financially support only one side of it through the allocation of the taxes we pay? I want it defunded. I don't want the money I pay going to the murder of anyone, much less helpless babies.
Meanwhile, the Pro-Choice advocates are fighting tooth and nail to keep that funding going. "Women's health" and "gender equality" are their battle cries, and in the current social and political climate, those are powerful cries. Men don't want to be chauvinists, and they obviously can't understand what it's like to be pregnant. Isn't it the right thing for them to fight for women's issues? Women are supposed to fight for each other. If they believe in gender equality, how can they not take up this banner?
And, in their struggle for what's fair, the fact that another human's life is the price of this "women's issue" gets ignored.
The most recent development is a set of Hashtags: #ShoutYourAbortion, which was quickly followed by a response in the form of #ShoutYourAdoption.
The first, #ShoutYourAbortion was to encourage women to boldly proclaim their abortions and defy any shame they might feel. Because, of course, that shame comes from external sources that need to be put in their place, and not, you know, a sense of guilt rooted in the fact that deep down, they know they killed someone. And maybe, for some people, their shame does come from external sources, but I'd be willing to put money on the fact that in most cases, shame over an abortion comes from an innate sense of knowledge that they did something very, very wrong.
The hashtag made me sick when I saw it. I read a few of the stories, and it was heart wrenching. The sheer coldness and selfishness behind it, and the knowledge that every story of a proudly committed abortion was accompanied by the death of a completely helpless baby, left me feeling like the world was crumbling into some sick infanticide glory-fest.
Today came the response, and it was wonderful. #ShoutYourAdoption was spawned to remind people that when you have a pregnancy and you don't want to be a parent, there's another alternative. Yes, you still have to endure the pregnancy and the birth, but then you give that baby up to someone who loves it. Pictures abounded of families and babies who were saved and given good homes, because their birth mothers chose to suffer the pains of pregnancy, instead of killing them. It praised birth mothers for their sacrifice (I saw a couple accompanied by the hashtag #birthmothersrock), and the nobility of their choice. When the whole world was telling them to kill the baby, they instead chose to suffer through, not only giving life to a child who was completely dependent on them for its survival, but also giving a baby to a family who wanted one desperately.
Having been through infertility, I can promise, if a mother chooses to give birth and then give that child up for adoption, it is the most beautiful, kind, and selfless thing she can do for a family. Thousands of people have a desperate longing to have children, and either struggle to have them, or just plain can't no matter how hard they try. And so many babies are dying who could complete their families if they were allowed to live.
In short, abortion is not a right. It's not fair, and is far less fair than an unwanted pregnancy. To be willing to kill someone to avoid pain in your own life is the pinnacle of selfishness and cowardice.
But on the other hand, to endure that pregnancy and then give the baby to someone who wants it and will care for it is beautiful. It is brave and it is noble. That is the kind of sacrifice that makes a woman powerful and good.
So, in conclusion, all I really have to say is that if you're pregnant, and you don't want to be, please please please don't kill the baby. I wish I could say this to every woman who has ever stepped into an abortion clinic. I wish I could stand in front of them and beg them to consider the alternative. Find a family looking to grow, or a woman who wants to be a mother, and ask them to adopt the baby you're growing. Then take a deep breath, steel yourself for the coming months, and keep that little baby inside of you until it's ready for the family that is waiting for it.
First, talking about said issues online is stripped of all non-verbal forms of communication. No facial expressions (emoticons rarely do the trick), no vocal intonations, no body language. You're left with the words, and the words alone. It's too easy for someone with an opposing opinion to read it, read their own interpretation of your emotion into it (and exaggerate your bias), and start a fight. And frankly, I'm vehemently opposed to fights on my Facebook wall. If you try to pick a fight, I will delete your comment. My wall is a contention-free zone.
Second, it's... well... annoying, usually. The first time you hear about an issue, it's interesting. You form an opinion. You express your opinion. You see a couple other people with similar opinions. That's all fine. Then your Facebook wall gets flooded with EVERYBODY'S opinions, usually expressed in meaningless memes and pictures that are specifically designed to be emotionally charged and/or inflammatory, and don't tell you a thing about what your friend is actually thinking. Sometimes your friend will post an introductory sentence or two, or a quote from an article they're linking to that provides some contextual thoughts, but for the most part, what they post is just somebody else's creation advocating the general position they support.
I can't tell you how many people I've blocked because they keep posting photos and memes advocating this issue or that, even when I fully agree with their position. It's annoying.
So, yes. My general policy on political and social issues is that my husband gets to hear all my rants about them, and the Internet does not.
There are a very few exceptions. For example, when the Snowden revelations about government surveillance came out, I felt strongly enough about it to post a link to the petition relating to it, and it got an honorable mention in a blog post. Also, when the Mormon church was having their Kate Kelly/Ordain Women issue, I felt the urge to join in the online conversation, since, as a Mormon woman, it's a very applicable issue to me, and I had something big to say about it.
The major issue, however, is abortion. I care about this one, and I care passionately. That said, I still keep online interaction with the issue to a minimum. I've never shared a meme or photo, though I'll admit to clicking "Like" on an occasional photo or meme my sister-in-law shares, knowing full well they'll show up in my feed under the banner "Savannah liked this."
I've also never blogged or posted my own thoughts on the issue, mostly because it wasn't something being talked about enough.
And now? Well, with the advent of the Planned Parenthood "selling baby parts" scandal, it's being talked about.
And I'm glad. So glad. I was getting extremely tired of the gender inequality conversations. I'm tired of people crying oppression because someone said something judgmental about their homosexual lifestyle, or because a chauvinist is harassing them on Twitter. That is not oppression. You want oppression? Let's talk about what ISIS is doing over in the Middle East, kidnapping and raping women as their sex slaves, or the fact that you can get executed for changing religions in Iran. Or how about human trafficking in general. That is oppression. Last I checked, people were still allowed to have (and fully express) their own opinions, even if those opinions are judgmental or otherwise wrong. Maturity is to be confident in yourself despite their opinions, not to try to force them to change their views.
But, I digress.
Now that abortion is being talked about, I feel like it's appropriate for me to say something as a part of that conversation.
My stance on the issue was decided years and years ago. I must have been 10 or 11, and the first thing I heard was the "Pro-Choice" argument. "It's my body, my choice." And that made a lot of sense to me. I knew pregnancy was hard - I'd watched my mother go through months of bed rest with 3 pregnancies, only to have 1 of them end in miscarriage - and it made sense that a woman should have the choice whether or not they were going to go through that.
I remember asking my mom, "Why do people think abortion is wrong? I mean, it's her body."
Her answer, in it's utter simplicity, struck me hard.
"Because it's still killing someone."
Oh.
Oh, right. Duh.
I felt a little moronic for having missed that core, basic point, but it made far more sense than the "my body, my choice" argument, because if you have an unwanted pregnancy, there's no such thing as fair. No, having to unwillingly endure the pain and sickness of pregnancy, not to mention the birth itself, isn't fair to the mother, but murdering the baby is significantly less fair to the other party involved. Pregnancy is a condition involving two humans, and the right to live forever overrules the right to live comfortably for 9 months.
There are other arguments too. My personal favorite? Pregnancy isn't the choice; it's the consequence. This is one of the reasons rape is such an utterly heinous, horrible offense. It's traumatic and violent, but more than that, it robs a woman of her choice to risk pregnancy.
And really, pregnancy is not where the choice was made. The simple, biological truth is that sex makes babies. We all know this. And while we have, in this day and age, more knowledge and access to contraceptives than ever before in the history of the world, nothing is 100% fool proof. Condoms break. Pills don't fully block all hormones. I've known a woman who got pregnant after her tubes were tied, and heard of a man who got a vasectomy, but they snipped the same spot twice, leaving half of his sperm producers still functional. Things. Don't. Always. Work.
And if you're going to mess with something that causes pregnancy in very nearly all vertebrates everywhere, you have to accept that it's a very real possibility.
And no, from a gender perspective, that's not fair. Why do women have to take such risks while men don't? But fair is irrelevant. That's just biology, and science is cold facts. If you are a woman having sex, you are risking becoming pregnant, straight and simple. You can try to make it more fair by making the father responsible for the non-physical aspects of pregnancy - hospital bills, housework while mom is sick, procuring maternity clothes, massaging sore backs and hips, etc. That's one of the benefits of being a thinking, reasoning human instead of a set of cats, where the Tom's only role is to wander around until he finds a female in heat, fight off the other Toms, do his business, and then move on. We can use societal rules, or even just simple communication between a pair of people to even out the burden of pregnancy.
And I say this as a pregnant woman. I'm 31 weeks pregnant with twins, and I hurt. My back has ached for the last 4 1/2 months, I'm no stranger to overwhelming nausea even while medicated for it, I've had anemia and broken teeth as the twins suck the iron and calcium out of my body to build their own, and my new bust size is throwing out my back. I haven't even gotten to labor yet, and I can say with no question in my mind, that pregnancy is hard. And there are times I've looked at my husband, with all his energy and strength, and how if there's something he wants and it's on the floor, he can just bend at his waist and pick it up, how he doesn't hurt constantly, and I've wanted to scream, "IT'S SO NOT FAIR!!!" at the universe because women are the only ones that can carry babies.
In short, pregnancy hurts. Oh my gosh, does it ever hurt. But that's no excuse to kill someone, even if that person is the biological cause of the pain. Especially when that person is causing the pain innocently. They're not trying to hurt you. Again, you can blame biology if you really need something to blame.
So, with that said and my position stated and expounded on, let's talk about the recent conversation.
It started with Planned Parenthood, and the videos exposing the sale of fetal tissue for research. That exploded into a major battle between the Pro-Choice and the Pro-Life advocates.
And honestly, I sincerely doubt the fight really has anything to with the sale of fetal tissue. Even though "they're selling baby parts!" has become a Pro-Life battle cry, that's not remotely what this fight is about.
(And, honestly, my view on that piece of the fight is that stem cell research is extremely valuable, and if the tissue is there, it might as well be put to good use. But the tissue shouldn't be there in the first place. Stem cell research should be conducted on naturally miscarried fetuses only, donated by the parents. Yes, that severely limits the research, but the research is less important than a human's life. We don't sneak through dark alleys and murder people so we can harvest their brains. We shouldn't be using valuable research as an excuse for murdering babies either.)
So, we're fighting. Pro-Life advocates are calling for the defunding of Planned Parenthood. They, quite understandably, don't want their tax dollars supporting what they feel is a baby butchery. And I completely agree with that. With such an emotionally charged and divisive issue, why are we being forced to financially support only one side of it through the allocation of the taxes we pay? I want it defunded. I don't want the money I pay going to the murder of anyone, much less helpless babies.
Meanwhile, the Pro-Choice advocates are fighting tooth and nail to keep that funding going. "Women's health" and "gender equality" are their battle cries, and in the current social and political climate, those are powerful cries. Men don't want to be chauvinists, and they obviously can't understand what it's like to be pregnant. Isn't it the right thing for them to fight for women's issues? Women are supposed to fight for each other. If they believe in gender equality, how can they not take up this banner?
And, in their struggle for what's fair, the fact that another human's life is the price of this "women's issue" gets ignored.
The most recent development is a set of Hashtags: #ShoutYourAbortion, which was quickly followed by a response in the form of #ShoutYourAdoption.
The first, #ShoutYourAbortion was to encourage women to boldly proclaim their abortions and defy any shame they might feel. Because, of course, that shame comes from external sources that need to be put in their place, and not, you know, a sense of guilt rooted in the fact that deep down, they know they killed someone. And maybe, for some people, their shame does come from external sources, but I'd be willing to put money on the fact that in most cases, shame over an abortion comes from an innate sense of knowledge that they did something very, very wrong.
The hashtag made me sick when I saw it. I read a few of the stories, and it was heart wrenching. The sheer coldness and selfishness behind it, and the knowledge that every story of a proudly committed abortion was accompanied by the death of a completely helpless baby, left me feeling like the world was crumbling into some sick infanticide glory-fest.
Today came the response, and it was wonderful. #ShoutYourAdoption was spawned to remind people that when you have a pregnancy and you don't want to be a parent, there's another alternative. Yes, you still have to endure the pregnancy and the birth, but then you give that baby up to someone who loves it. Pictures abounded of families and babies who were saved and given good homes, because their birth mothers chose to suffer the pains of pregnancy, instead of killing them. It praised birth mothers for their sacrifice (I saw a couple accompanied by the hashtag #birthmothersrock), and the nobility of their choice. When the whole world was telling them to kill the baby, they instead chose to suffer through, not only giving life to a child who was completely dependent on them for its survival, but also giving a baby to a family who wanted one desperately.
Having been through infertility, I can promise, if a mother chooses to give birth and then give that child up for adoption, it is the most beautiful, kind, and selfless thing she can do for a family. Thousands of people have a desperate longing to have children, and either struggle to have them, or just plain can't no matter how hard they try. And so many babies are dying who could complete their families if they were allowed to live.
In short, abortion is not a right. It's not fair, and is far less fair than an unwanted pregnancy. To be willing to kill someone to avoid pain in your own life is the pinnacle of selfishness and cowardice.
But on the other hand, to endure that pregnancy and then give the baby to someone who wants it and will care for it is beautiful. It is brave and it is noble. That is the kind of sacrifice that makes a woman powerful and good.
So, in conclusion, all I really have to say is that if you're pregnant, and you don't want to be, please please please don't kill the baby. I wish I could say this to every woman who has ever stepped into an abortion clinic. I wish I could stand in front of them and beg them to consider the alternative. Find a family looking to grow, or a woman who wants to be a mother, and ask them to adopt the baby you're growing. Then take a deep breath, steel yourself for the coming months, and keep that little baby inside of you until it's ready for the family that is waiting for it.
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