People keep asking me, "Hey! You're back! So, how's married life?" I swear, I hear than a minimum of 8 times a day from various people.
Really? That's your question?
How is married life?
Married life sucks.
Why? Well, let me tell you.
I mean, I can't imagine why anyone would want to get married. Who wants to come home and get a kiss every. single. stinking. day? Really! All that touching. Eew!
And the constantly having someone to do things with? Geez, I'll never be able to say, "Hey! I want to do this awesome thing, but I need someone to go with me. Too bad all my friends are out on dates without me," ever again! Road trip to a national park where I hit a deer, wreck my car, and am stuck out there all by myself? Yep, I'll never be able to do that again. Being married robs you of experiences.
Every time I want to cuddle with someone, there's someone right there. I never sit by myself, wishing I could be held, and have to hug my own chest. Again, this is a vital life experience, a moment of growth, to which I now have no access.
And emotional security! Ugh! I have someone who just pledged his entire life to me, meaning I won't get to worry about being left alone ever again.
And the worst part? Saying, "I'm so tired... but I've got to get through those dishes," and having somebody say, "Go to bed; I'll do them in the morning."
How. Demeaning.
So yes, that's how married life is.
Come on, people! I've been married for two whole weeks now. How the heck do you think married life is? I'm floating on freaking marshmallow clouds, while I eat piles of happiness and unicorns spritz me with everlasting sunshine.
A plug to Caro for asking an intelligent question: "How are you settling in to married life? Are you used to stuff like sharing a bed and meal times?" That question was worth the answer. It led to -gasp!- a conversation!
