December 2012 - Day 20 - Crazy Robots

On the twentieth day of the apocalypse
My true love said to me:
Oh look...
Twenty Nutter Androids
Nineteen Blasts of Sunlight
Eighteen Octodecillion Nanobots
Seventeen Months of Winter
Sixteen Deadly Viruses
Fifteen Super Volcanoes
Fourteen MPH Earth-Spin
Thirteen Year Nuclear Holocaust
Twelve Decameter Storm Surge
Eleven Superstorms
Ten Plagues of Egypt
Nine Asteroids
Eight Supernovae
Seven Continents Cracking
Six Hour Long Earthquake
Fiiiiiiiiive Alieeeeeeeens!!!!
Four Dinosaurs
Three Hitlers
Two Poles that Shift
And it seems I've become a zombie.

Hello.

Ooh.  You are pretty.

You must be human.

The ancient Egyptians used crocodile dung as a contraceptive.

My name is

My name is

My [ack]face[/ack] is

Do you like bananas?

The kanagroo population of Australia is twice as large as the human population of the same country.

I like guano.

[innocent smile]

I want to be your friend.

I am very friendly.

I will hug you.

[/innocent smile]

What did you eat for brunnerfast?

Karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra.

Why am I here?

Where are my friends?

Two headed snakes fight each other for their food.

The average Big Mac bun has one hundred seventy eight sesame seeds.

I had nineteen friends.

They all love me.

The bagpipe was originally made from the whole skin of a dead sheep.

I love you. 

Do you love me?

My programming states that love is an emotion.

I am programmed to love.

I am not programmed to feel emotion.

The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

My friends are gone.

They are with the humans.

And you are human.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay, but only if both parties are registered blood donors.

You must be hugged by a robot.

I am a robot and I love you.

I love to hug.

A cord of wood can create seven point five million toothpicks.

Why are you running away?

My arms are big and will hug you.

My arms are made of steel.

Children grow faster in the Spring.

I give tight hugs.  

Sometimes I break things.

Bricklayers have a patron saint.  His name is Saint Stephen.

The humans who will not be hugged will not be allowed to escape.

They will be

They will be

Turning a clock's hands counterclockwise is only damaging when the clock has a chiming mechanism.

They will be 

They will be

They will be

Police dogs are trained to react to a foreign language, like German.  Or Hungarian.

They will be

The average person makes one thousand, one hundred and forty telephone calls per year.

They will be 

They will be

EXTERMINATED.