Apparently I have a large number of politically conservative friends.
And they are all whining on Facebook.
Like, a lot.
Disclaimer: You don't actually have to read the following list. This is just a selection of the first few comments I found on Facebook upon logging in. Just skip the examples and go straight to my opinions.
Oh, but you may miss the really controversial opinion tucked into the list of comments.
I quote:
"Obama is a Sith Lord in a suit."
"Can't say I'm surprised citizens think happiness comes from opaque promises and living beyond your means... I'm just disappointed there are SO many of them."
"Goodbye America!"
"Welcome to Obamanation. Bend over and kiss your @$$ goodbye!"
"Democracy is dead!"
"I'm not a crier, but I instantly burst into tears when I heard who is going to run the country I love for the next 4 years."
"I'm scared for my children."
"49% of America, you're idiots and I hate you. I hope we can still be friends."
"First time in my life I'm ashamed to be an American." [please... I felt that the instant we invaded Iraq and destroyed over a hundred thousand American and Iraqi lives with nothing more than fabricated provocation... weapons of mass destruction my fluffy toesocks. Oh wait, that's right. After we got there we were "freeing the Iraqi people." I forgot. Need to keep up to date on the latest propaganda. Think I'm wrong? Look up Casualties of the Iraq War, and then tell me we were bettering and/or saving lives by what we did. Please, show me I'm wrong; I'd like to believe in my nation's purpose again. But when you do, make sure you use legitimate evidence and don't just spout out the propaganda we get berated with.]
"Time to take a big traveling trip, I think it'll take about 4 years who's with me?"
"Well, the good news is that the hour I was spending every day reading political articles can now be spent on something more productive!"
"America, you just made a hell of yourself, congratulation!"
"Man, what a frustrating and disappointing night... I just realized I am all out of Klondike bars!!!"
"i think i am about to cry. seriously."
"Noooooooo!!! (enough said)"
"Well, congrats pres. Don't forget to thank ur color." (from a Vietnamese girl)
Comment: "Well, he definitely can't thank his presidential skills."
Comment: "If there are any."
Comment: "Ooooooo snap"
"why don't we just hand ourselves on a silver platter to china. like 'here you own us anyway, oh and iran, they want in? sure!'"
"Horrified."
"Wow, America. I guess you just like being bankrupt."
"When life gives you Obama, make brownies."
Other disclaimer: You can start reading again here.
Relax, people. The apocalypse is only 46 days away, and that's not even the end of Obama's current presidency. We're all about to go up in smoke and suffer the fate the Mayans declared for us.
You know, everybody says the Mayans predicted the end of the world on December 21, 2012, but nobody ever said what that end would entail. I have my hopes up for dinosaur zombies.
Back to the topic at hand, I voted for Romney, in case anybody is wondering. Personally, I think Obama is a brilliant orator with the leadership abilities of a squash casserole.
I have to wonder, though. When 98% of my friends on Facebook are REALLY pissed that Obama won, all of whom were touting their "I voted" stickers, does that just mean I have a lot of conservative friends and a limited circle, or does it mean something is amok with the voting system?
Hmmm... I think I feel an enthralling new conspiracy theory coming on.
Granted... almost all of my friends are from either Utah or Missouri, and Romney won both of those states, soooo.... yeah.
But no. I'd rather think the whole thing was rigged by the maniac controlling Obama (who is actually a brilliant politician who began his career by controlling Andorra - a European microstate, and has since moved to the less traditional and more easily controlled New World) and Romney was only there for purposes of infiltration. His goal was to test the reactions of the American people to insure that they weren't straying too far from their prescribed opinions.
They needed him. They needed to watch Facebook, and use Google's creepily effective information-collecting system that more or less records everything you type into your search bar or email to find out how many people supported Romney and why. But, of course, they couldn't actually have him win. That was not his purpose.
Now, they have their information. They know who we are, and where we are. They know what operating system we use, and whether or not we are weak-minded enough to own an iPhone. For the next four years, expect to be gently and carefully brainwashed until we all believe we were actually born to be citizens of Azerbaijan, and we just needed that little push, and a little unexpected conquest, to get us there.
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