A Shrewd Businesswoman

It's a hard market out there, especially for housing.

Housing always drops in a recession, but usually something as small as a 2 semester contract on an apartment can be sold fairly quickly.  Sometimes, when the market is low, a tenant attempting to get out of their contract must offer a tempting deal like, "You can keep my deposit." Contracts like that are snatched up in seconds.

However, a recent phenomenon has affected the women's student housing market in a strange way.  There has been a gargantuan surge in women deciding to leave their little hovels and travel the world.  Some will stay closer to home, and others will go abroad. 

All of them will sell their student housing contracts.

When supply shoots to the sky, demand crawls in a little earthworm hole and hibernates for the winter.

And yes, this is the time I picked to get married and attempt to sell my single women's housing contract.

I've had 2 nibbles on my multiple Craigslist ads so far.  That's 2 potential prospects in a month.  Today I showed my apartment off to the 2nd of those nibbles.

The little nibble was a tall girl with short, bleached hair.  Her name was Gena, and she seemed super friendly.  I bent my schedule around itself to show her the place, and this morning was spent prepping my sales pitch.

I'm offering deposit AND first month's rent.  This is a great deal, and unfortunately, the only kind of deal that's even sort of selling right now.  Now, that clearly smacks of the word, "desperate."  Well, yes, I am desperate.  I have a kitchen roughly the size of a raccoon trap, and I'm competing with the entire female student body who are going on missions. 

I reminded myself that, though I am desperate, I need to keep a solid business sense about me.  Don't say, "PLEEEEEASE take my contract!!!  I'll do anything!" because I'll likely lose my firstborn son.  It's great to advertise that I'm giving them my deposit and first month's rent, but I need to make sure it sounds like I'm a shrewd businesswoman, and not a desperate fiancee trying to get out of her single-student housing contract.  So, no begging.  Instead, use phrases like, "I'm undercutting the market."  She's getting an awesome deal because I know the market and I know what people are looking for. 

At 2:30, my little nibble came to see my apartment.  I gave her the grand tour, showing her the spacious storage closets and the washer and dryer.  I took her in my bedroom and showed her how the closet goes all the way through, and told her how awesome it all was.

Then it came time to discuss finances.  I became cold and calculating... while simultaneously warm and inviting.  She wanted to make a deal, but she feared to take advantage of me.

What did I say?

Well...

"So, I'm sure you've noticed everyone is going on missions and there are lots of housing options, so I'm undercutting the market and paying the deposit AND first month's rent." 

Not bad, right?

And then, as we were walking out the door, I added the gum drops to the shrewd businesswoman gingerbread house.  Or the icing to the cake.  Whatever.

I said, "I mean, like I said, I'm really trying to get this sold, so if you want to negotiate at all, I'm pretty much putty in your hands."

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.  Putty.  I am shrewd, businesslike putty that you can mold and shape and squeeze lots and lots of pennies out of.  Heck, I'd sleep on the floor of the front room for a month if it meant I got my contract sold.