Life is a potato on the submarine of Mt. Everest.

Today my little brother was having trouble with his lit homework.  He was supposed to find 3 metaphors in Percy Byyshtfgjyst Shelley's poem, Ode to the West Wind, which anyone who has read the poem will know, is not actually written in English.

Being the exceptionally helpful big sister that I am, I decided to send him some examples of metaphors to whet his brain.  Unfortunately, metaphors are not, and never were, my strong point.  In fact, I'm quite dismal at them.  There was one time a friend of mine talked about how love was like leaves in the autumn, and every word that came out of his mouth was pure and tender poetry.  I envied his ability to think in metaphors.  For after that moment, I determined that MY love life was a ... um... a... an... well... um... it's a... *20 minutes later* ... well, a something that was really cool that I'd think of later when I was feeling more inspired.

But, today I was feeling slightly more inspired, so I sent Kamaron some of my metaphors.  He wrote me back and told me they were actually similes.  Whatever.  Just delete the word "like" and it becomes a metaphor so HA!

Now that I have been so inspired, I'd like to make a list of some of the more brilliant metaphors (and similes!) I have come up with throughout my life.

*Defining a romantic relationship is like farting: You know when you need to do it, you can sure feel it, and the longer you wait the more the pressure builds.  When you finally get everything out, it is SUCH a relief.

*Studying philosophy is leaning your head gently against a brick wall, then running full speed, dragging your face along.

*Perfect pickup-line metaphor: "Thou art like unto a patch of moss!  Soft to the touch and vibrantly colorful.  There never was such a pleasant plant to feel against the skin of my feet."  Yep.  That'll get her every time.

*Election years are like a broken-window convention for nine year olds.

*A simile is the valley girl of metaphors.

*Calculus is a pooping goose: over my head.

*My dating history is a blind narcissist in a house of mirrors.


*Looking for the meaning of metaphors is like trying to reach that booger at the back of your nose.  The deeper you dig, the more likely you are to make your face bleed.