Symptoms

Warning: If mild descriptions of the female reproductive system and its functions make you squeamish, this post is not for you. Like, omg I say the word "period," and I'm not referring to the punctuation mark.

Today the symptoms of pregnancy suddenly got worse.

I was experiencing symptoms before I found out I was pregnant. I just... had no idea they were symptoms, and didn't dare to hope that they might be.

First thing... my boobs hurt. So badly. They always hurt at the end of my cycle, but wow. This was so intense.

And about that same time came... the dreams.

Dang, I've had weird dreams.

Stuff like battling snakes in a sinkhole in the Grand Canyon whilst flying over it on a line attached to a helicopter and getting lost in a bagel shop that just happened to be there too.

The dreams were every single night. I've never dreamed that often, or that randomly. I mean, a bagel shop? Really?

Then, on the day of the test, the cramping started. That scared me, because that's usually the feeling that heralds the period. Dr. Google was quick to inform me that was normal for early pregnancy, which was super helpful! (Heh. Not.) Like every other dang symptom, it could mean period, or it could mean pregnancy, and was basically just there to confuse me.

But, luckily, it was my uterus expanding to fit my little blob. The cramping has been every day since then. I usually cramp a couple of times, and then that's it for the day. It's all super minor cramping too. Very mild discomfort, and absolutely nothing like the period cramps that would reduce me to crying on my heating pad, wanting to physically remove my uterus from my abdomen.

Also, I've been tired. Not terribly tired, but there have been a couple of days I've wanted to curl up under my desk at work and sleep for an hour.

And then... food. Normally, I utterly crave sweets. I eat Nutella straight from the jar every single day. And fruit snacks! Oh, how I love fruit snacks! I try to reign it in, but the craving is always there.

For the last week and a half, I haven't even wanted it. I've been wanting steak and chicken and salad and fruit.

And, of course, I. pee. so. much.

That all leads us to today.

So, I took a nap today. I didn't mean to sleep that long, and it wasn't a nap that left me feeling refreshed either. It left me feeling like death.

Especially because of the dream.

So, in my dream, Carl and I had adopted 4 babies about 2 years ago. We'd just sort of gone around from person to person and asked if they had a baby for us to adopt. We'd ended up with 4 of them. But that was 2 years ago. Well, today in my dream, we had this house, and we were showing it to these people that wanted to rent it, and I realized they were one of the couples who'd given us a baby. And then, with absolute horror, I realized I had completely forgotten about those babies for the last 2 years. I'd put them in the spare bedroom to sleep, and just forgotten them.

After showing the people around, I braced myself and went into the spare bedroom. I expected to see long-dead and rotten corpses in the cradles where I'd left them, but they were alive, no older than the last time I'd seen them. Somehow, they were just fine.

So, I stayed in that room and held them, and wondered what I was going to do with 4 babies!!! Especially now that I was pregnant with my own. I felt bad since I'd wanted them so badly 2 years ago, but I really didn't want 4 babies.

About that time, there was a TV in the room, and a voice on the TV said, "She can hear us, though. Since the accident, this is the only way we can get through to her." And I realized that I wasn't really there - I was caught inside my own mind, either in a coma or just insane. And I realized I was dreaming, and I suddenly started analyzing the dream. A house is representative of the self, and the upstairs, where I was, typically means the mind. That made sense. This dream was obviously about my mind.

And basically, the dream was really, really weird.

But that was not quite as weird as my shopping trip.

I don't know if this counts as a craving or not, but I was feeling very emotional about my juice.

I was at the store, buying an outfit to take bump pictures in, as well as a few groceries, and I walked past the juice aisle. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to cry... because juice?

Maybe it was the disappointing Snapple I had earlier today.

I bought some orange juice, and when I got in the car I wanted to cradle my juice in my arms and love it as I drank it.

In case you think I'm a lunatic (I'm starting to wonder), just know that I didn't give in to the urge. Instead of tearfully loving my juice, I settled for stoically shaking it up and chugging some straight from the carton.

Ah, juice!

So, yes. I don't have "pregnancy brain" yet, where you freak out because you lost your phone, then console yourself with the fact that you're holding it, only to realize you're not holding it, and when you have your husband call it, it rings from inside the refrigerator. I don't have that. Yet.

But I have had a couple moments, here and there, where I wonder if I'm going to make it through this pregnancy with my sanity intact.

Time with tell.