Miscommunication is Key

Dear Beloved Person,

You know how we had that big miscommunication about me booking you a flight out of Jacksonville at 11:30 am, and you telling me a week later that you weren't coming into Jacksonville until after 2:00 pm?

Well... I just wanted to say thank you.  I've never felt so needed, so wonderful, so appreciated!  And just to make sure there are no further miscommunications between us, let me tell you just what you have done for me.

1.) Your sweet attitude reminds me of an innocent 5 year old.  Many a beautiful memory of mine involves babysitting, and you have taken me back to the days of macaroni and cheese that isn't good enough because it doesn't have hot dogs in it.

2.) How did you know I'm a big history buff???  Your treatment of me takes me me back a century and a half.  Pre-abolition.  While I can never truly appreciate the ins and outs of slavery, this must be at least a small piece of what it feels like to be there for the sole pleasure of a master's every whim.

3.) Even though we had a miscommunication about your flights, thank you for emailing me at least twice every day about the same things and ignoring my responses when I answer your questions.  Nevermind that I've assured you three times already that yes, I will copy your upline on the email about your hotel reservations, and nevermind that I told you they wouldn't be done for several days because of difficult communication with Singapore.  When all is said and done, your emails and emails and emails make sure I know what your specific preferences are.  Because, of course, we wouldn't want you to, you know, forward your hotel reservation on to your upline.  That would take far too much effort.

4.) And finally, when you are emailing me further instructions, thank you for never using complete sentences.  It's a real mental challenge for me to figure out if "depart Charlotte" means you are going to book a ticket from Charlotte to Jacksonville or if I am supposed to be booking you out of Charlotte instead of Jacksonville.  It's like Sudoku.  I get all giddy in the face of these brain teasers.  Really, that miscommunication must have been my fault.  I failed the brain teaser you gave me.

I hope I've said it enough, but just in case, THANK YOU!!!  If you'd like, I can send UPS to your home to pick up your tiara so I can polish it for you.  Just say the word!

Love,

Somebody Else's Assistant That You Treat Like Your Slave