My bi-polar germs

Dear Bacteria,

Or perhaps you are a virus.  I would like to recommend you receive professional help for your personality disorder.  I tell you this today, because it seems you are in a manic phase, and I don't want to spring it on you while you're depressed.

Now, I understand that you may think you are perfectly fine.  "I don't need help!" you may say.  But, let's look at the facts, shall we?

Thursday and Friday you were quite chipper.  I could feel you inside me all day, and by Friday night, I was pretty sure you were having the party of the decade.

Then came Saturday.  You poor germs.  I hardly felt you at all.  You must have been so depressed while I went to the movies and played games with my friends.  It was like you had completely disappeared.

Then we have today.  You're certainly in an upswing, and have been getting more and more excited all day!  Right now it's the party of the century in my lungs. 

All this manic-depressive behavior is quite unsettling to me.  So, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine.  This friend has a PhD in psychology, and many years' experience as a therapist for germs.  Germs, meet Dr. Mucinex.  Dr. Mucinex, meet germs.

Sincerely,
Your Host.

P.S. Go die in a hole.