Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Random Thought of the Day
What if there was, like, a rapper or something, and his name was Tyrone, and he was all like, "I have issues," so he made his rapper name T-Issues, but everybody just called him tissues, and he got so made about it he became the next unibomber.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
And the old wives say...
Yesterday we went to hear our babies' heartbeats. I've seen them a couple of times before, (at the 7 and 9 week ultrasounds) but this time was especially exciting, because it's the 12 week heartbeat appointment, and according to an old wives tale, it's one indication of gender.
Now, I know all these old wives tales are unreliable, and give you a hint rather than anything solid. About the only solid indication of gender you can get is when you look at the baby (usually via ultrasound, though sometimes at birth) and it does or doesn't have man parts.
But, I've seen some really good old wives tales for predicting gender - the two best being the heartbeats and how you're carrying the baby, high or low.
I remember a friend of mine once told me in no uncertain terms that she was having a boy. She was about 8 months along, and while I didn't ask about an ultrasound, my thought was that she must not have gotten one. Her torso looked more like a barrel than a bump. She was carrying that baby so high, it must have been sitting on her lungs.
Surprise! A month later, she popped out a girl.
A few years later, I was visiting home and saw a lady in my parents' ward who was basically carrying the baby between her thighs. I had never seen a bump so low before. I immediately assumed boy.
A month or so later, the announcement popped up on Facebook - Baby boy!
Now, those were extreme cases, but I've usually been able to guess gender by how the baby is carried, unless it's smack dab in the center. And it's usually not obvious until quite a lot farther along in the pregnancy.
In my case, it's a bit tougher, because there are two babies. If I have one of each (fingers crossed!), well, I doubt anything is going to look like anything. Also, it's not like there's going to be any space in there for the babies to sit high or low. They'll sit wherever they can squeeze in.
But, that said, when I look at my miniscule bump in the mirror, it does look pretty high. Extremely high, in fact. Maybe, just maybe, they're still small enough that I can use the old wives tale and say, "I think we're dealing with 2 girls here."
But then came the heartbeats.
Now, heartbeats have a little bit of accuracy - typically over 140 bpm is a girl while under 140 is a boy. But, if the baby is moving around a lot, their heart rate will increase, and a boy can totally fool you into thinking he's a girl.
Baby A had a heart rate of 165. I think it's safe to say Baby A is probably a girl.
Baby B's heart rate was 155. Girl? Or active boy?
Impossible to say, I suppose. But from the looks of things, I'm definitely having at least one girl!
So here's to the ultrasound in 8 weeks. I have 8 more weeks to resist buying little dresses and hair bows and girl shoes and hats and and and and ...
Now, I know all these old wives tales are unreliable, and give you a hint rather than anything solid. About the only solid indication of gender you can get is when you look at the baby (usually via ultrasound, though sometimes at birth) and it does or doesn't have man parts.
But, I've seen some really good old wives tales for predicting gender - the two best being the heartbeats and how you're carrying the baby, high or low.
I remember a friend of mine once told me in no uncertain terms that she was having a boy. She was about 8 months along, and while I didn't ask about an ultrasound, my thought was that she must not have gotten one. Her torso looked more like a barrel than a bump. She was carrying that baby so high, it must have been sitting on her lungs.
Surprise! A month later, she popped out a girl.
A few years later, I was visiting home and saw a lady in my parents' ward who was basically carrying the baby between her thighs. I had never seen a bump so low before. I immediately assumed boy.
A month or so later, the announcement popped up on Facebook - Baby boy!
Now, those were extreme cases, but I've usually been able to guess gender by how the baby is carried, unless it's smack dab in the center. And it's usually not obvious until quite a lot farther along in the pregnancy.
In my case, it's a bit tougher, because there are two babies. If I have one of each (fingers crossed!), well, I doubt anything is going to look like anything. Also, it's not like there's going to be any space in there for the babies to sit high or low. They'll sit wherever they can squeeze in.
But, that said, when I look at my miniscule bump in the mirror, it does look pretty high. Extremely high, in fact. Maybe, just maybe, they're still small enough that I can use the old wives tale and say, "I think we're dealing with 2 girls here."
But then came the heartbeats.
Now, heartbeats have a little bit of accuracy - typically over 140 bpm is a girl while under 140 is a boy. But, if the baby is moving around a lot, their heart rate will increase, and a boy can totally fool you into thinking he's a girl.
Baby A had a heart rate of 165. I think it's safe to say Baby A is probably a girl.
Baby B's heart rate was 155. Girl? Or active boy?
Impossible to say, I suppose. But from the looks of things, I'm definitely having at least one girl!
So here's to the ultrasound in 8 weeks. I have 8 more weeks to resist buying little dresses and hair bows and girl shoes and hats and and and and ...
Sunday, May 10, 2015
The Payoff.
Have we all seen the movie Big Hero 6? If not, it's awesome, and I highly recommend it. Yes, it is painfully formulaic, and the "twist" is quite predictable if you're over the age of 6, but it has a lot of good laughs, and beneath the fun it deals with incredibly deep themes of death and loss and healing. The emotional punch of the character arcs are well worth the formula-to-the-letter plot.
That aside, there's actually a specific moment in the movie that keeps playing in my head: The song played during the credits.
Yes, I know that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot or character arcs or anything like that, and when I watched the movie, I basically only heard the incredibly bouncy and fun tune of the song and told myself, "I am so downloading this when I get home."
And I did. And I listened to it. On repeat. For a while.
The song is "Immortals," by Fallout Boy.
I'm really not entirely sure what the song is talking about. It's like a bunch of disjointed thoughts that sound - maybe - kind of profound when said by themselves, but make absolutely no sense when strung together.
One line sticks with me:
"Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith / is when it's tested again and again every day."
The first time I heard that line was around the beginning of this year, right as we were picking up infertility treatments again after Christmas break. When I first heard it, going through such an intense struggle to keep faith in what I was doing, that concept really resonated with me.
I know, when we endure trials and move through them with faith, we want there to be a very specific payoff. If we're reaching for something incredibly difficult - a college degree, a relationship, an infertile body to produce children - we want that faith to end with the result we are reaching for. And when it doesn't - over and over and over and over - we wonder what happened. What's the point of that degree of faith when it's not paying off?
And yet, even when we're not getting the payoff, we can see some payoffs growing from having to hold onto it, again and again, every day.
That was a key piece of my experience - lessons learned from having my faith tested every single day. And as the months passed with my very specific payoff not being realized over and over, I had to step back and realize exactly what I was getting.
Some things were obvious surface improvements. For example:
With the extra motivation to make my body as healthy and functional as possible, I exercised and ate a lot more vegetables, and my whole body became healthier. Over 6 months of patient work, my BMI shrunk to its ideal range, I gained a lot of energy, and I felt great about myself and what I looked like.
I became better at sticking to a budget. Let me tell you what. Infertility treatments are not cheap, and my insurance wouldn't cover squat of it. As our budget shrank, I started tracking it. I stopped buying the easy microwave food that costs 3 times as much, and made sure that if we were approaching the end of our "eating out" budget for the month, we actually stopped going to Burger King.
And some things were much deeper:
I learned endurance. I learned how to keep going through to the home stretch, and not give up even when stressed about money, enduring heavy discomfort from the treatments, and experiencing severe emotional baggage from constant failure.
I learned sacrifice. We're officially not going to Scotland, now that every extra penny we had went to doctors. Also, I have absolutely no idea how we're going to pay for pharmacy school, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.
In that same vein, I learned priorities. I had to make a very conscious decision about what I wanted more, children or financial stability. And letting go of the security of that savings account was a huge learning experience for me. I had to let go of having my plans all figured out with the financial pathway to them decided. I had to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and step out into the terrifying unknown. Like I said, I have no idea how we're going to pay for school. And, I had to learn how to be okay with that.
And faith. I had a 20 month crash course in how to cling to what I know in the face of what I don't. I knew the Lord was in control. I knew I had been promised children. I knew the Lord keeps His promises. I knew I had been instructed to continue with the treatments. I didn't know when, or what more I'd have to go through, or how much harder it would get, but I stuck with what I knew. And I had to make that decision over and over and over, because that faith was tested constantly.
Right now, I still enjoy the song, but my favorite part of that line has become the first word: "Sometimes."
Because sometimes that really is the only payoff - the constant testing of your faith, and the growth that comes from it.
But other times, that's not the only payoff.
Sometimes, when the testing is over, you get exactly what you prayed for, hoped for, and clung to with seemingly irrational faith.
And sometimes, you get exactly what you wanted, but doubled.
I'm having twins.
That aside, there's actually a specific moment in the movie that keeps playing in my head: The song played during the credits.
Yes, I know that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot or character arcs or anything like that, and when I watched the movie, I basically only heard the incredibly bouncy and fun tune of the song and told myself, "I am so downloading this when I get home."
And I did. And I listened to it. On repeat. For a while.
The song is "Immortals," by Fallout Boy.
I'm really not entirely sure what the song is talking about. It's like a bunch of disjointed thoughts that sound - maybe - kind of profound when said by themselves, but make absolutely no sense when strung together.
One line sticks with me:
"Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith / is when it's tested again and again every day."
The first time I heard that line was around the beginning of this year, right as we were picking up infertility treatments again after Christmas break. When I first heard it, going through such an intense struggle to keep faith in what I was doing, that concept really resonated with me.
I know, when we endure trials and move through them with faith, we want there to be a very specific payoff. If we're reaching for something incredibly difficult - a college degree, a relationship, an infertile body to produce children - we want that faith to end with the result we are reaching for. And when it doesn't - over and over and over and over - we wonder what happened. What's the point of that degree of faith when it's not paying off?
And yet, even when we're not getting the payoff, we can see some payoffs growing from having to hold onto it, again and again, every day.
That was a key piece of my experience - lessons learned from having my faith tested every single day. And as the months passed with my very specific payoff not being realized over and over, I had to step back and realize exactly what I was getting.
Some things were obvious surface improvements. For example:
With the extra motivation to make my body as healthy and functional as possible, I exercised and ate a lot more vegetables, and my whole body became healthier. Over 6 months of patient work, my BMI shrunk to its ideal range, I gained a lot of energy, and I felt great about myself and what I looked like.
I became better at sticking to a budget. Let me tell you what. Infertility treatments are not cheap, and my insurance wouldn't cover squat of it. As our budget shrank, I started tracking it. I stopped buying the easy microwave food that costs 3 times as much, and made sure that if we were approaching the end of our "eating out" budget for the month, we actually stopped going to Burger King.
And some things were much deeper:
I learned endurance. I learned how to keep going through to the home stretch, and not give up even when stressed about money, enduring heavy discomfort from the treatments, and experiencing severe emotional baggage from constant failure.
I learned sacrifice. We're officially not going to Scotland, now that every extra penny we had went to doctors. Also, I have absolutely no idea how we're going to pay for pharmacy school, but I'm sure we'll figure something out.
In that same vein, I learned priorities. I had to make a very conscious decision about what I wanted more, children or financial stability. And letting go of the security of that savings account was a huge learning experience for me. I had to let go of having my plans all figured out with the financial pathway to them decided. I had to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and step out into the terrifying unknown. Like I said, I have no idea how we're going to pay for school. And, I had to learn how to be okay with that.
And faith. I had a 20 month crash course in how to cling to what I know in the face of what I don't. I knew the Lord was in control. I knew I had been promised children. I knew the Lord keeps His promises. I knew I had been instructed to continue with the treatments. I didn't know when, or what more I'd have to go through, or how much harder it would get, but I stuck with what I knew. And I had to make that decision over and over and over, because that faith was tested constantly.
Right now, I still enjoy the song, but my favorite part of that line has become the first word: "Sometimes."
Because sometimes that really is the only payoff - the constant testing of your faith, and the growth that comes from it.
But other times, that's not the only payoff.
Sometimes, when the testing is over, you get exactly what you prayed for, hoped for, and clung to with seemingly irrational faith.
And sometimes, you get exactly what you wanted, but doubled.
I'm having twins.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Other baby post about the baby posts
Okay, everything about my baby that was posted, chronologically, before this post, was written on the day it says, saved to drafts, and then posted after I'd made the official announcement.
The end.
The end.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Bump.
Apparently my twins are done growing new body parts, and are now focusing on making those parts bigger.
Much bigger.
This week I went from "all pregnant and nothing to show for it," to, "Holy crap, I look like a barrel." My weekly bathroom mirror selfies (no... I am not posting these all over Facebook. I only send them to my mother... who posts them on Facebook... but in a private album so it's okay) were extremely frustrating, because I couldn't see a single difference in my body shape. Yeah, the measuring tape said I'd gained 3/4 of an inch around my waist, but the scale said I was still 2 lbs. less than when I started, and if there was a bump there, I couldn't see it.
This past week my pants started hurting my lower back. It got bad enough that by Thursday I wore a skirt to work - a light, flowy skirt that was basically weaved from the down of angel wings. Then I found that my slacks, which were too big when I bought them, were just about the right fit for my waist. Those and my sweats are now the only pants that fit.
So, at 11 weeks, I'm considering maternity pants.
And then, yesterday, I took my 11 week bathroom selfie... and I was huge. My waist looked like it had doubled in size, all in 1 week. My back and butt looked bigger too, and the only thing that looked smaller was my boobs, which are starting to get dwarfed by the region beneath them.
Here. I present, 1 week in bathroom mirror selfies:
10 weeks - April 25, 2015.
11 weeks - May 3, 2015.
I don't really think I look pregnant so much as just larger. If that back/butt expansion hadn't happened, it might be different. Those babies are just pushing everything around in there.
Much bigger.
This week I went from "all pregnant and nothing to show for it," to, "Holy crap, I look like a barrel." My weekly bathroom mirror selfies (no... I am not posting these all over Facebook. I only send them to my mother... who posts them on Facebook... but in a private album so it's okay) were extremely frustrating, because I couldn't see a single difference in my body shape. Yeah, the measuring tape said I'd gained 3/4 of an inch around my waist, but the scale said I was still 2 lbs. less than when I started, and if there was a bump there, I couldn't see it.
This past week my pants started hurting my lower back. It got bad enough that by Thursday I wore a skirt to work - a light, flowy skirt that was basically weaved from the down of angel wings. Then I found that my slacks, which were too big when I bought them, were just about the right fit for my waist. Those and my sweats are now the only pants that fit.
So, at 11 weeks, I'm considering maternity pants.
And then, yesterday, I took my 11 week bathroom selfie... and I was huge. My waist looked like it had doubled in size, all in 1 week. My back and butt looked bigger too, and the only thing that looked smaller was my boobs, which are starting to get dwarfed by the region beneath them.
Here. I present, 1 week in bathroom mirror selfies:
I don't really think I look pregnant so much as just larger. If that back/butt expansion hadn't happened, it might be different. Those babies are just pushing everything around in there.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Thoughts on recent movie trailers...
So, this week seems to be the week for movie trailers. Star Wars, Jurassic World, Batman vs. Superman, Fantastic 4 - it's like all the potential blockbusters of the year released a new trailer within the last 4 days.
Some trailers upped my excitement.
Some did not.
Here's the breakdown.
Star Wars:
Disclaimer: I love Star Wars. I love it to the point that I turned a blind eye to the problems with the prequels, until I learned how to analyze a story and discuss it intelligently. Star Wars was the staple of my teenage years, and the story that set me in the path of sci-fi and fantasy forever.
So, my thoughts on the trailer?
Honestly, from the start I've been cautiously optimistic. The high production-value Disney offers as a studio is promising, but those same people also produced the sequels to Pirate of the Caribbean, as well as several other crappy movies. It could go either way. The effects will be top notch, the cinematography will be amazing... but without a good script, those are utterly useless.
The new trailer still gave no hint of a plot. It was all, "Yay! Explosions!" "Yay! Dead Star Destroyer!" "Yay! Rolly-polly droid!" and, of course, "OMGOMGOMG!!! HAN AND CHEWIE!!! Holy crap, what happened to Han's face?"
So, the jury is still out on Star Wars. But, the trailer didn't kill my excitement for the movie, which is a good sign. I will say I am still cautiously optimistic, and maybe a little more excited than I was before.
Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice:
I'm sorry.
Can I just facepalm and leave it at that?
So, we are manufacturing an out-of-nowhere god-complex for Superman so that Batman can have some justification for fighting him, because there can't actually be a legitimate reason for two good guys to duke it out. And, of course, I'm sure it will turn out that all the "god" stuff is just people, and Superman is really actually pretty embarrassed by it all, because he's such a nice guy, but since Batman is all "darkness" and "I am the night" and stuff, Superman will assume he's evil, but he's really just misunderstood, and the whole thing is just a big misunderstanding.
Really. The plot looks so contrived. They need to dig deeper and find a better conflict than "People are worshiping Superman and Batman is jealous." That's not enough for two good guys to try to kill each other.
Anyway, maybe the movie itself will be better than the trailer made it look, but I am very much not hopeful about this movie.
Jurassic World:
This was the movie I wanted the very most.
And with every reveal - every trailer, every clip - I get less and less excited.
I think a line from the trailer summed up the movie producers' attitudes perfectly: "They're dinosaurs. Wow enough."
No.
No, that's not enough.
Yes, the dinosaurs are awesome, but the movie needs more. It needs plot points that aren't worn out and/or totally forced.
Examples:
Horrified gasp: "She's killing for sport!"
Yes, like every other monster that ever there was.
"The dinosaurs are communicating!"
We saw that in Jurassic Park III, and it was super hokey then too.
"They're just animals!"
Ah, yes. Man misunderstands nature yet again. You'd think, after the first movie, they'd have figured out that "life finds a way" and "lack of humility in the face of nature," and basically every single thing Ian Malcom warned against was a bad idea. They got the park off the ground successfully. How are they still not getting this concept?
And finally, in the clip released last week, we saw "Owen," Chris Pratt's character, in action, and he's basically just Star Lord in board shorts. The trailers present him as a very different character - someone attuned with nature and a bit more serious, maybe with a touch of country charm. But in the clip - yep. Womanizing and irresponsible goof bucket. Basically Star Lord. That was a tad disappointing. I liked Star Lord, but I was hoping for, you know, some variety?
Fantastic 4:
I wonder if they're going to explain the family history between the very blonde Sue Storm and her very black father. Adoption? Step parentage? We're obviously not talking biological here, unless we're following the BBC's example that frequently makes casting decisions that make absolutely no genetic sense. (Anyone who has seen Merlin should have noticed that a Polynesian man fathered a black son. There is such a thing as being too blind to color. Genetics, people. Don't ignore science.)
Anyway, the trailer got an A+ in my opinion. I still think Reid Richards' super power is weird, but the trailer didn't even feature it, meaning the movie creators recognize that, and that is quite promising.
I like that the characters are younger - they look like high school seniors or maybe college freshmen, as opposed to somewhere in their 30's and set in careers. It makes them more vulnerable and immediately raises the empathy level when they're set against a world so much bigger than they are.
And the interdemensional travel is definitely a fresh take on how they got their super powers. I like when characters create their own problems, rather than just getting hit with some magical anomaly. And the trailer makes it clear they definitely got themselves into that mess.
So, Fantastic 4 just went from, "Yay. Another reboot," to, "Yep. That's one movie I am definitely seeing this year."
Anyway, 4 trailers later, I'd say it should be a decently good year for movies, and that's not even counting the Avengers. I have total faith in the MCU, so I'm not watching those trailers too closely. I'd rather be surprised in the theater.
Happy movie watching!
Some trailers upped my excitement.
Some did not.
Here's the breakdown.
Star Wars:
Disclaimer: I love Star Wars. I love it to the point that I turned a blind eye to the problems with the prequels, until I learned how to analyze a story and discuss it intelligently. Star Wars was the staple of my teenage years, and the story that set me in the path of sci-fi and fantasy forever.
So, my thoughts on the trailer?
Honestly, from the start I've been cautiously optimistic. The high production-value Disney offers as a studio is promising, but those same people also produced the sequels to Pirate of the Caribbean, as well as several other crappy movies. It could go either way. The effects will be top notch, the cinematography will be amazing... but without a good script, those are utterly useless.
The new trailer still gave no hint of a plot. It was all, "Yay! Explosions!" "Yay! Dead Star Destroyer!" "Yay! Rolly-polly droid!" and, of course, "OMGOMGOMG!!! HAN AND CHEWIE!!! Holy crap, what happened to Han's face?"
So, the jury is still out on Star Wars. But, the trailer didn't kill my excitement for the movie, which is a good sign. I will say I am still cautiously optimistic, and maybe a little more excited than I was before.
Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice:
I'm sorry.
Can I just facepalm and leave it at that?
So, we are manufacturing an out-of-nowhere god-complex for Superman so that Batman can have some justification for fighting him, because there can't actually be a legitimate reason for two good guys to duke it out. And, of course, I'm sure it will turn out that all the "god" stuff is just people, and Superman is really actually pretty embarrassed by it all, because he's such a nice guy, but since Batman is all "darkness" and "I am the night" and stuff, Superman will assume he's evil, but he's really just misunderstood, and the whole thing is just a big misunderstanding.
Really. The plot looks so contrived. They need to dig deeper and find a better conflict than "People are worshiping Superman and Batman is jealous." That's not enough for two good guys to try to kill each other.
Anyway, maybe the movie itself will be better than the trailer made it look, but I am very much not hopeful about this movie.
Jurassic World:
This was the movie I wanted the very most.
And with every reveal - every trailer, every clip - I get less and less excited.
I think a line from the trailer summed up the movie producers' attitudes perfectly: "They're dinosaurs. Wow enough."
No.
No, that's not enough.
Yes, the dinosaurs are awesome, but the movie needs more. It needs plot points that aren't worn out and/or totally forced.
Examples:
Horrified gasp: "She's killing for sport!"
Yes, like every other monster that ever there was.
"The dinosaurs are communicating!"
We saw that in Jurassic Park III, and it was super hokey then too.
"They're just animals!"
Ah, yes. Man misunderstands nature yet again. You'd think, after the first movie, they'd have figured out that "life finds a way" and "lack of humility in the face of nature," and basically every single thing Ian Malcom warned against was a bad idea. They got the park off the ground successfully. How are they still not getting this concept?
And finally, in the clip released last week, we saw "Owen," Chris Pratt's character, in action, and he's basically just Star Lord in board shorts. The trailers present him as a very different character - someone attuned with nature and a bit more serious, maybe with a touch of country charm. But in the clip - yep. Womanizing and irresponsible goof bucket. Basically Star Lord. That was a tad disappointing. I liked Star Lord, but I was hoping for, you know, some variety?
Fantastic 4:
I wonder if they're going to explain the family history between the very blonde Sue Storm and her very black father. Adoption? Step parentage? We're obviously not talking biological here, unless we're following the BBC's example that frequently makes casting decisions that make absolutely no genetic sense. (Anyone who has seen Merlin should have noticed that a Polynesian man fathered a black son. There is such a thing as being too blind to color. Genetics, people. Don't ignore science.)
Anyway, the trailer got an A+ in my opinion. I still think Reid Richards' super power is weird, but the trailer didn't even feature it, meaning the movie creators recognize that, and that is quite promising.
I like that the characters are younger - they look like high school seniors or maybe college freshmen, as opposed to somewhere in their 30's and set in careers. It makes them more vulnerable and immediately raises the empathy level when they're set against a world so much bigger than they are.
And the interdemensional travel is definitely a fresh take on how they got their super powers. I like when characters create their own problems, rather than just getting hit with some magical anomaly. And the trailer makes it clear they definitely got themselves into that mess.
So, Fantastic 4 just went from, "Yay. Another reboot," to, "Yep. That's one movie I am definitely seeing this year."
Anyway, 4 trailers later, I'd say it should be a decently good year for movies, and that's not even counting the Avengers. I have total faith in the MCU, so I'm not watching those trailers too closely. I'd rather be surprised in the theater.
Happy movie watching!
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